Favorite Dish

I love breakfast foods. It's a tough decision between biscuits and gravy, chocolate chip pancakes, and a bacon and cheese omelet. Even though I have been trying to be good and haven't had any of these in a long time, I would say the one that gets my mouth drooling the most would be an ooey gooey bacon and cheese omelet. Cheese and eggs are horrible for you but so delicious. I never have made it but I can most certainly eat it. I love eggs, bacon and cheese. I like it plain and just like that. I don't really like peppers or onions. I can do salt and pepper but that is about it on the add-ons. I love it when it is nice and warm, right out off the skillet. Oh, you can certainly chop up some potatoes and put those in there.

I have never made this dish so I'm not sure on how to prepare it exactly. I don't know the oven settings or exactly how many eggs most people use but I'm going to guess. You will need to get your ingredients. Your ingredients for my perfect omelet would be eggs, bacon, maybe sausage, potatoes, pepper, salt, and that is about it. You will need to have three skillets going. I say three because I am very impatient and want it done fast. I will need my mom and dad's assistance, haha. One will be in charge of frying the egg. One will be in charge of frying the bacon and sausage. One will be in charge of cutting and frying the potato. Once, everything is cooked perfectly, we can now put it together. Someone should get the spatula and start throwing the meat and potatoes in. I am in charge of the cheese because there is a limit of too much and too little cheese. For omelets, I like to use shredded cheese over the squares. Then I wait about five minutes for the cheese to melt and the omelet to cool off. I can then grab my fork and knife and get ready to take over. I am pretty much starving now. Thanks a lot to this essay.

Lucky for me. Kayla buys the uncrustable peanut butter and jelly. Grape jelly is the choice of course. I will locate myself in front of the fridge and grab the fridge door. I then will pull the door open and grab the packaged uncrustable. I will then sit the sandwhich on the coffee table and let the sandwhich thaw for twenty minutes. After I let it sit, I then will rip open the plastic package and take a bite. :)

simple things

It is completely true when people say that it is the little things in life that mean the most. A simple smile can brighten your whole day. A simple hug can go a long way to make you feel whole again. A simple five minute break can pull you back together so that you are no longer a mess and can cope. A simple chocolate chip can take care of your chocolate craving so you don't have to eat a whole piece of double chocolate fattening cake. You see, little things go a long way to make people happy. The biggest little thing that has happened to me occurred yesterday while I was at work. I have been trying to lose weight basically since this semester began. I haven't seem many results. My diet is totally different and I am eating way better. I even joined the YMCA and am paying about thirty dollars a month for that. I go as much as possible. I also got a personal trainer. His name is Ernie Moore and I payed close to a hundred dollars for him. I go to him for an hour three days a week for six weeks. Well, I wasn't feeling like I was losing weight and I wasn't getting any feedback. It was starting to bother me. Well, yesterday at work Heather, a girl I normally don't talk to much, approached me. She said, "Wow! You look awesome! What have you been doing to lose weight!" Just that one comment made me turn my whole outlook around. I now feel that this work has payed off and I felt good about myself. That little comment makes me want to pursue what I have been doing and to work harder. That little comment got me back on track and seriously made my day. I still smile when I think about what she said. She won't know how much those few words meant to me and made an impact on me. Little things can do a lot.

It happened

In my last blog I wrote about Patrick Clegg. Patrick Clegg was the baseball player from Waynesville that got hit by a pitch at Lebanon on Tuesday night. It was a freak accident and the ball hit Patrick right under his helmet so it struck his brain stem. He was instantly air vacated to St. Johns Hospital here in Springfield. It breaks my heart to even think about this. But the sixteen year old boy was pronounced brain dead last night. He is donating his organs today. I hate this. I haven't talked to him for a few years besides "hellos" in the hallway but I still knew him. He was fun kid. He was full of life and a bit of a trouble maker but that gave him personality. All the schools among the area, especially Lebanon, are being very caring for the family's situation. One of the saddest things that I heard Patrick's dad say was how proud he was for doing baseball and staying out of trouble. The high school junior was getting scholarships from college. The scholarships were going to be the only way for him to have college in his future. My heart also goes out to the pitcher that threw the ball. He should not feel guilty at all because it was definitely unintentional but it would be hard not to feel guilt. I hope he can learn that it was not his fault and just a freak accident. I don't think that I will be able to go to Patrick's funeral because of work but I wish I could be there. I just hate when people die young. I can't imagine my parents going to my funeral. I hope the Clegg family are able to deal with this with the support of family, friends, others, and God. It brings me to tears every time I think about it and to think, tonight would be his first prom.

Praying for Patrick

I just got done from crying. I watched this video from KY3.com to see what was said about Patrick. Patrick Clegg is a sixteen year old junior at Waynesville High, the school that I am from. On Tuesday night, a freak accident happened. Patrick was playing the sport he loved, baseball. They had a game against Lebanon. The pitcher through a pitch that was going to hit him so he did what he was told to do; spin around. He spun around hoping the ball would hit him in the helmet or his back. It did the unthinkable. It hit him in that inch under his helmet and before his back. It got him in the neck, striking his brain stem. He instantly collapsed and the helicopter took him to St.Johns here in Springfield. Things are not looking good at all. They put him in an induced coma and is now on life support. They pulled the plug yesterday for about ten minutes to see if his brain or lungs had any response. His diaphragm moved but they realized that he had only ten percent of his brain cells left. He is now back on life support and he looks bad. People who saw him said that he can't even close his eyes. I was told today that they are thinking about taking him off life support today. If he does pull through he is more then likely going to just be a vegetable and that is something nobody wants for their sun. My heart goes out to his family and his girlfriend. I know how it is. My heart also goes out to the Lebanon pitcher because it wasn't his fault but I'm sure he is beating his self up about it. No one plans for this to happen. I hope a miracle can happen today. I will be praying for you, Patrick. Be strong.

weather

Today is basically the best weather EVER in my opinion. It's about 84 degrees and it feels amazing. It is not too hot and not too cold, just right. It amazing. It's crazy how weather can change your mood so much. I feel so productive today. This weather makes me wanna do good for myself. I went to class then my room mate, Kayla, and I went and looked at apartments. We thought that we fell in love with an apartment yesterday but we still wanted to look. The other apartment was perfect location but the lady was pretty much a jerk. We decided since it was beautiful out and we wanted to look more just in case there was somethin else that caught our attention. We decided to look at another TLC property because those are the nicest. It is really far out on the north side but it was the best price,size, and paid for a lot. That is the new favorite. We found another awesome one but it is only for peole of twenty one years or older. They were really nice but jerks for that! But the new choice is Watermill Park. I just want to find an apartment now and put the deposit down so I know I have one and don't have to stress. I stress way too much as it is. Now we are thinking about working out because we have been really healthy today and want to keep the trend going. I really need to do homework though. I have quite a bit and one is a huge assignment. I hate that. Public speaking is kicking my butt. But after my speech on Monday, I am officially done with public speaking. It is my only B and I hate it. I don't think I can really get a A or C in that class either way so it seems pointless. But I'm going to do my best to do well in that class.

eventful little day

First off, today is supposed to be the excitement of my week. I am finally off completely. I am off from not only school, but work also. I have been loaded with homework and hours at work so I needed this. It started off amazing. I woke up bright and early at eight o clock. I went to my work out with Ernie. Only two other girls showed up but it was fine anyway. We did the dirty five hundred. The dirty five hundred is where we did five sets of one hundred ab work outs. I actually did the best out of the other two girls there which was nice. I am sure that I will be feeling that tomorrow morning for sure but right now I feel fine. After my work out, my mom calls me and tells me that she is in Strafford and about to get on sixty-five. I got so excited because I love my mom to death. I rush home and change. She picks me up from my apartment and we go to the mall. We mainly do shopping for my brother's birthday. I did get some jeans I have been eyeing for a while and two tank top shirts. My mom gets some amazing but expensive make up from Clinique. We are very hungry by now and get lunch at Ruby Tuesdays. Lunch was good and it is now time for my mom to head home. I go home and put my laundry in the washer. While my clothes are in the washer, Kayla and I meet up with our friends to look at some duplexes. It was like a sign from God. Even though the duplex's were out of our league, we looked at the apartments next door and fell in love. I would have never found that perfect place if it wasn't for joining our friends. After that, I put my clothes in the dryer and go see my boyfriend. We got in a big fight which is odd since I was having a great day. I'm sure things will blow over though. They always do. Now I am starting my homework and then I plan on tanning and working out. When I am done working out, I will probably do more homework and get ready for bed.

What am I excited for?

What am I excited for? The main thing that I am excited for is VACATION. I can not wait to be in Florida for a week just laying out on the beach and listening to the waves crashing on the shore. I can not wait to be completely off work for five whole days. I am excited to have a chance to clear my head and not worry about anything besides what I am going to eat for dinner. The main thing that I am excited for is summer for general. I honestly do not think that I will be able to honestly relax until summer. Right now I have to stress about working, working out, friends, family, and school. My body and mind is wearing down. Even though I will still have to work a lot and take two classes during the summer, it will seem like nothing compared to what I am doing now. The most recent thing that I am excited about though is Tuesday. The main reason is that I am finally off. I have no school or work. It starts off awesome because I get to meet with my personal trainer and work out. I need to work out. I feel lazy because I have not had a chance to work out and on Saturday when I went to the work out, it was canceled. Another huge reason that I am excited for Tuesday is that my mom is coming to see me. My mom and I are seriously best friends. We are going to go shopping and then we are going to grab lunch so by the time that she leaves me, I can still get what I need done. I need to start my outline for public speaking and do laundry. Basically, I am excited that I have things to look forward to and things are looking brighter.

Relieved

During the past semester, I have thought about one thing and one thing only about my sociology test. That one thing is my research project journal. It is worth more then half of our grades. I had to do well on that to get the grade that I wanted in the class. I really wanted an A so I could keep my spot on the Dean's list. Well, I have been stressing about this paper for a couple months now and it was finally due on April 10. This project consisted of us doing at least eight volunteer hours at a nonprofit organization. I did mine at the YMCA. After we did our eight hours. we then had to write a paper telling about hour experiences and connecting them with the sociological perspective. My paper ended up being thirteen pages. That is a huge paper to me and I'm not used to writing that much. I was pretty nervous how tough she would grade but I was pretty sure that I would get a decent grade. In my opinion, I thought it was pretty well written. Well today, I went into my sociology class to see that is was canceled but she got me and told me to wait. I ended up getting my paper today. I looked down to see 110 out of 105. I was ecstatic. I got the highest grade in the class. I got all my points plus five. This is a huge relief, especially since I already have a A in the class by doing well on the tests. In her class there is no homework, just tests and this huge assignment. I can now start to calm down and relax in her class. All I need to do now is keep doing what I'm doing and study for her tests and I will be alright. Today is a good day.

The Future

The future is one thing I don't especially like thinking about. I have enough stress as it is so I don't feel the need to add another stresser on my shoulders. I wish I could just live day by day instead of worrying about what is to come next. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't organized. The main subject that stresses me out about the future is what I want to do as an occupation when I graduate. Right now my major is education. I want to be an elementary teacher. I bounce around with what age I want to teach and the pro's and con's of each. I then think I would also like to do something with business because I was always the top in my marketing classes in high school. But then I bounce off more ideas. My favorite subjects in school are sociology and psychology. I just don't know what occupations I could do that I would like doing for the rest of my life. I don't want to switch occupations. I want to pick one and keep one. I want to do it so I can retire early with good money. I would love to be a secretary at a high school because I actually love busy work like doing attendance and things like that. I think they don't make as much money though. I am planning on moving back to Waynesville, where I grew up. I loved growing up there and I think it is a great area to start a family. I also use that as the basis of my occupation. There is not a huge variety of choices in Waynesville. There is teaching, owning a business, being an engineer on the army base, or getting a minimum wage job. The last option is not a choice really. I think teaching would be ideal but I have no experience with children so I am nervous about that. I also think it would be the funnest to teach. I wouldn't mind being a speech therapist or reading therapist because I know waynesville school's are always needing those but my speech isn't the best. I was thinking about being a nutritionist because I am very interested in nutrition. I don't know. I should be able to figure something out in the next three years of my life.

blank

You ever wake up in the morning and just have that blank feeling? I did today. I woke up feeling emotionless. I just knew I had things to do. I woke up at eight this morning and threw on some close and went to Ernie's gym and got our work out. It was boxing. I'm not a big fan of boxing but that is probably just because I am not very good at it. It's really hard from me and I hate the fact of wearing some one's old gloves and wrist wraps. I can still smell that horrible stench. I then have to go back to my apartment. I was exhausted and had all the plans of getting some of the huge homework assignments that I have due on Monday. That didn't work out as planned. I got back and instead lied down thinking I might just get a quick twenty minute power nap. Well, that power nap turned into a couple hours. I woke up and was already stressed. Why didn't I get anything done? I still needed to take my boyfriend back to the dorms before I left for my eight hour shift. I am about burnt out from working. Working full time is not my thing. I'm into the whole twenty-four hours thing. I hope they hire another cashier and it can be like that because all of the cashiers agree that we want less hours. The cashiers at my work are all full time students. After work, the new plan is to do the homework that I was supposed to do earlier. I was planning on starting my english paper or my public speaking outline but instead I have to do a different english assignment that I put off that is due tomorrow. I am so ready for summer. Even though my summer will probably be really busy, It will still be nice to not have to drive to campus and just take two online classes. Plus, summer is just an awesome and happy time. I'm mostly ready for our vacation to Florida so I can completely relax with nothing in my way.

Eggheads vs. Smarties

I definately chose the wrong side of the arguement. Hershey's honestly doesn't have much benificial about their chocolate besides the fact that the chocolate is tasty. They use palm oil. Palm oil is bad for hour enviroment. There is nothing nutritional coming out of the Hershey's milk chocolate egg's. If it was atleast dark chocolate, we could find some possitives, such as antioxidants. The chocolate can melt. It does nothing good for your body. Who would have thought that eating a certain candy from the teacher's basket would have put me in this delima. I have looked over about ten different websites and have found no advantages to eating milk chocolate then smarties. Smarties is also not good for you in any way. Pretty much all candy is not going to benifit your health. I guess if we were going to try to get points, we could talk about how there is three grams of protien per serving and eight percent of calcium in each serving. I can honestly say I have never thought about this issue nor have I ever thought about writing about this issue. I kind of like it. It's random. Oh, I found something else. The egg's are made twelve percent with milk. Your body needs dairy. We have a little more variety in ingredients while smarties are basically just compressed sugar with UNnatural flovorings. There has been research that eating chocolate before a test will actually improve test grades. I think that is the same with any candy but since I can't find any supporting information, I am going to use that for my arguement. Chocolate is supposed to improve memory. Chocolate makes better gift's. There is a reason why people don't give out Smarties heart's for valentines day. The eggs also contain carbs which can be broken down into energy. Even though none of these facts are a reliable reason why one candy is better then the other, i would chose the egg. It is just simply better. The end.

working that nine to five

As you can probably tell from my title, I worked a nine to five shift at Mama Jean's today. That is my absolute favorite shift. It forces me to get up earlier and still have the day ahead of me. I actually have a chance to catch up on life when I get off work at five. Today after work, I came straight home and talked to my room mate, Kayla. We decided we wanted to go to the YMCA to work out and swim so we changed and got our bathing suits together and such. Before we worked out, we ran by Staples and got her money. Long story short, Staples screwed her over by over charging for a computer repair and not fixing it in the first place. After we got her money, we ran by Rue 21 because I really wanted this yellow shirt that I have been looking at. I never get a chance to shop because I am so busy with work and school. I got the shirt and then we were on the way to the gym. I mostly ran on the track at the gym. After I was tired of running, I started doing ab work outs. We decided after that we would insanely sweat in the steam room and go to the pool. We left the gym at about nine. Now, I'm doing what I do best-procrastinating. I need to get this homework done though because I have to go to sleep early. I'm already exhausted but I also have to wake up at seven in the morning because of Ernie's work out. I haven't woken up that early since high school. I am not looking forward to it because it's with a different work out group. After I work out, I immediately have to get ready for school. I get done with school at about two then I go straight to work a half hour later. I will then have to close at work. I have a busy life this week. Let's just say that I am totally ready for summer. Only a couple more weeks of this craziness.

What are you passionate about?

What am I passionate about? I am not passionate about anything of the sort of music or fashion. I am passionate about happiness and seeing people smile and laugh. I am passionate about making my family happy. I am passionate about making my boyfriend and very close friends happy. Oh, I almost forgot. One concrete term that I am passionate about is food. I am in love with food. It's actually pretty ridiculous how obsessed with food I am. It's kind of sad. It's honestly the first thing I think about when I wake up. What am I going to eat today? I am only going to eat 1500 calories. What should I have for breakfast. I can only eat on break at work and not on the register. For example, I have already realized that I won't have a chance to eat before work because I get out of class at two and have to be at work thirty minutes later. That is good for me though because if I have the chance to go home in between time, I will eat about 300 calories worth. I love all kinds of food. I love fruits, bread, certain vegetables, soups, yogurt, and basically anything you can imagine. Since I started working at Mama Jean's, I have tried so many different types of foods that I would never have tried before. I didn't even know about certain vegetables that I rang up. That was pretty embarrassing. We have an awesome cook at my work so that is the reason for me trying different things. I would probably be pretty skinny if I wasn't so passionate about food. I work out a lot. I also eat a lot. If I didn't work out, I would probably be the woman that is so obese that she can't even roll out of bed. It's ridiculous how difficult it is for me to cut down on calories. It's one of those things that I constantly have to think about. If I had an amazing metabolism I would eat so much and would be so happy. My happiness and food obsession pretty much go hand in hand. Those are the two things that I am passionate about.

What is a place?

We were told to run some ideas through our head about places that had a significant importance in our life. I thought for a good half an hour. Once I started thinking, idea's started popping up but it took a while for the brain to start flowing with ideas. My first idea was to write about my grandma's house. I loved spending time there but the main reason was because of Christmas. We would have our whole family down and the food was just amazing. Good times, good times. I then thought about the river. My parents, brother, and I would always go to the Big Piney River by my house in Devils Elbow. We would basically spend our whole summer down there. We would bring our dog, make lunch, float down the river, lay out, relax, and just have a good time. The next option I thought about was Vacations. The first one that came to my head was last summer when we went to Gulf Shores, Alabama. It was the second time that I have been there and it was my favorite vacation. We stayed at a nice house on the beach. Then I thought about when we went to Tacoma, Washington. It was about twenty minutes from Seattle and we went to a lot of historical places and awesome aquariums. Another vacation that I thought about was Chicago. That was the funnest to look at. There was so much going on. It was fast paced and beautiful at night. I then thought about where most of our family vacations were at, Pomme De Terre. It's a river where my aunt's both have a home there and we spend a lot of our time at during the summer. We have annual float trips every July where about thirty of us in the family float and hang out on the river. It's a major trip in our family. We float for about two day's straight and camp out while the adults drink at night. After thinking about my choices, I decided my favorite place with the most memories was Christmas at my grandparent's house in Waynesville, Missouri. After thinking, I decided the most significant year was probably when I was 15 year's old. That is the place I wanted to write about.

Easter Weekend

My Easter weekend turned out amazing. We didn’t do anything spectacular and that’s how I like it. It was low key and laid back. I didn’t see any of my friends, just my family. I hung out with my best friend, my mom, for the majority of course. I saw my grandparents on both sides of the family. Well, just my grandpa on my mom’s side of the family because my grandma has passed away. I got the grandparents done with on Saturday because I didn’t know how long I would be able to stay on Sunday. I have a lot of homework to do and wanted to get back at least in the daylight. On Saturday, I left straight from my work out in Springfield and headed home. I got home at about 10:45 A.M. so that was perfect. I normally don’t even wake up till that time so it was nice to still have the day ahead to do whatever I wanted. I had planned to see friends but I really didn’t get much of a chance which was fine with me. As soon as I got home, my mom was ready to do things. She didn’t have a schedule for us this time but we decided to see the grandparents and then we went home to rest. After we rested for a while, we then decided to go by Rolla and see the sales at JC Penney. We both got some things and had a lot of fun. We picked up Subway for us and my grandpa so we got supper done with. Next, we decided to go to Walmart and get a few essentials. We ended up getting home at about 8 and layed down. On Easter, my parents and I went to Cracker Barrel and had an awesome dinner. Now, it’s about time for me to think about heading home. It was a good day.

Sore

Man, I was so sore yesterday. This personal trainer thing is kicking my butt. On Saturday morning, I went into my work out already feeling insanely sore. Friday I went to school and work very sore from my Thursday work out. Ernie has an awesome work out but it makes you sore. You can guarantee it. After my first work out, my abs and arms were the body parts that were sore. After my second work out, my legs were the thing sore. My legs have never been that sore, which is weird considering I played soccer all my life and had some tough leg work outs. On Friday, I could barely walk at all so it was very difficult to go up three flights of stairs to my first class. The railing on the side of the stairs became my best friend. I thought my legs would get loosened up by the time that I went to work. They didn’t. When I was at work, it was quite obvious that I was sore. I got asked numerous times why I was walking so awkwardly. I couldn’t even imagine going to Saturday morning’s work out with my legs acting like this. I drank so much water on Friday, hoping that would help resolve the problem. I also took a hot bath and soaked my legs. I didn’t know what I should do to ease the soreness. I eventually decided that I should just lie down and go to bed early and pray by morning they would be ready for another hard work out. I was still extremely sore when I woke up but I was paying for this work out so I was going to go. Ernie could tell I was sore and was easy on me for the most part. We had another tough work out but without the use of legs. I woke up today, on Sunday, and they are still sore but much better. I am thankful for that and ready for my next work out tomorrow morning. I wonder which part of my body is next.

It's like I'm a totally different person

I blame it on the birth control! I have been taking birth control for years now. I take it for my acne. I'm sure everyone is like "suuuuure" but it's true. I had horible acne all through middle school and freshman year. I tried everything. I tried every possible pill out there. I tried every possible face cleaning set, such as proactive. Nothing seemed to help my horrible complextion. I made an appoitment with my doctor and I was surprised when she told me I should try birth conrol because hormones have a lot to do with acne. It worked almost immediatly and I have been taking it since. Well my prescription ended a couple months ago and I needed to make an appoitment to get more. I called Planned Parenthood and asked about getting a papsmire. I was pleased to hear that I didn't need to get one until I was twenty one. I just got to go there and get a prescription for a year. They put me on a different type of birth control and I think it is really playing a game with my emotions. My room mate told me she used to take it and it made here really emotional. I'm not too emotional but I am definately more moody. I never want to go out anymore and I always want to sleep. I yell at my boyfriend about little things then instantly apologize because I realize that he has done nothing wrong. I am a totally different person. I just like to sleep, work out, and relax. I feel bad bailing out on my friends all the time because I just don't feel like going out. It also doesn't help the situation at all that I work full time, go to school full time, and have to wake up early every day for my work out and school. I also am trying to lose weight, which means no alcohol for me. I don't think I'm turning into a bad person, just someone who likes to be alone a lot more. I just hate that I kind of keep myself aways from friends. I miss them. I just am not into the same scene, I guess.

day by day

I wake up every day with a different outlook on life. My mood changes about fifty times a day. I'm pretty much just a roller coaster. I am just so rejuvinated and relaxed that I finally got my life back together yesterday. I did all my chores and homework that I have been needing to get done. I needed that day off more then anything at this point in my life. Today, I woke up a little tired from the busy previous day but I also felt calm and glad that I didn't have to rush and finish any homework. One surprise when I woke up was how SORE I was. My abs hurt so bad. Whenever I cough, they just cramp. My back and arms are also pretty sore. I'm glad they are so though because now I feel like I actually did something at my first work out. Today, I am already done with an easy day of classes. I am also relieved that I didn't have to do my speech today even though I was prepared. Now, I am about to head to work. I work from three to close. I am closing with Allison and she is my favorite cashier so I am excited about that. After that I am rushing straight home to meet Kayla and then we are going to head to the YMCA and do some cardio on the treadmile and then sweat our butt's off in the steam room. It is so relaxing. After the workout, I will probably just do homework and stay home for the night. I am into the whole sleeping at night and relaxing thing lately. I am basically so ready to head home Saturday morning after my work out. I miss my family already and can't wait to come home for Easter. I always have a good time with family and love the country life and miss it. Basically, I am just extremely happy with my life and want to keep it this way.

awesome day

Today has been the absolute best day that I have had in a long time. It was a definite well needed day off. I have been so stressed and over worked. I'm not just overworked at Mama Jeans but also school. Today was perfect. I woke up from a good night's sleep at eight this morning. I instantly had to get up and begin my day. I went to my first day with my personal trainer at 8:30. His work out was tough but good. After the work out, I was rejuvenated. I got straight to my homework. I got a lot done. That was a huge weight taken off my shoulders. After I did most of my homework, I just waited for my room mate to get up so we could go to the YMCA and work out and go into the steam room. We went to the gym at about one. By the time we left there, my mom called and said she was coming to Springfield. My mom and I are extremely close so I was ecstatic. We had a great day. We did some jobs then went and ate at my favorite restaurant, Cheddars. We ordered our usuals and it was good as usual. Then we went by the mall and I got her some moisturizer from Clinique and she got me some spray from Victoria Secret. Then we went to Walmart and we got groceries. After we got groceries, we did some of my laundry. I got a lot done and it was great. I feel like I finally achieved all my goals. It put me in a great mood. It was a great visit with my mom. I can't wait to go home Saturday for Easter and see my family for two days. I am about to finish the rest of my homework and practice my speech. I'm also excited to see my boyfriend. It's been a couple days since we have seen each other and I miss him. I just feel like I finally got my life put back together today and it feels awesome.

Day One

The day finally came. It was time for my first work out with Ernie, my personal trainer. I went to bed at midnight last night so I would be able to wake up easy at eight in the morning. I did well. I got up at eight, changed, and got ready for my work out. I was a little sad to see that my time of the month started but luckily I wasn't cramping too horribly. I took some midol. I then realized I had never drove to his gym before. I was praying that I remembered the directions given to me. I did. I took a right on Enterprise and looked up to see a huge sign. It read Ernie's Gym. The first step of getting up on time was completed. The second step of getting to the place on time was completed also. I was up to a good start. I had a warm welcome by Ernie and my favorite employee, Allison. Ernie is very energetic, enthusiastic, and fun. I was excited. We first got measured. We were measured on our chest, hips, and butt. I don't think the measurements were too accurate but that's okay. The whole point is to get healthier and fell better. The work out was not like I had planned but it was good. I thought it would be a cardiovascular sort of work out. It wasn't at all. It was fast pace and didn't have much of a break but it was all strength training and muscle toning. We did a lot of push ups and sit ups. My abs and arms are definitely going to be sore. I felt good afterwards and was glad I still have the whole day to get things done. Normally, I wake up at about eleven. This was a nice feeling. I felt productive. I have already finished most of my homework I have been stressing about. As for the rest of the day, I plan to work out again, tan, practice my speech for public speaking, write another journal, and finish my sociology paper. It will be a busy day but a productive day. I also might meet up with a old friend that goes to Drury. We are going to stop by Hilcrest and watch our high school soccer team play. I'm excited for the day.

stressed out !

Wow! I have been so stressed out. The only thing keeping me sane is the gym. After I get a good work out I am able to relax and calm my nerves. I am not stressed about money or work anymore. I am a little stressed about my weight. I could definitely lose some weight but that is beside the point. The top of my stress list is definitely homework. Homework has consumed my life and I still feel I am not at a point where I can actually relax. I just feel like I can not catch up on my homework and so much is due this week. I have homework to do in every single class. I could go through my schedule and pick out what is due in each class to make life easier. In sociology, I have a 15 page paper due on Friday. I only have three pages left but those pages are being done last for a reason. They require a lot of thought and I just have not had time to dedicate to this assignment. I also need to study for a test over three chapters on Monday. I don't know when I will study for that since I am going to Waynesville for Saturday and Sunday. In public speaking, I have a speech to do on Wednesday. I am terrified of public speaker and this is going to be our toughest speech so far. I need to retype my outline, do my note cards, and practice. I also probably have a quiz due on Wednesday for that class. In spanish, I have 6 workbook pages due on Wednesday. I also have an assignment due from my book. In composition, I need to catch up on these journal entries and figure out when my revision of my essay is due. Tomorrow I have a lot to do. I need to pick up my birth control, do laundry, do loads of homework, work out at 8:30 in the morning, and try to find some time to relax.

Which should I do?

I need to make a decision. It's far from a fun decision. Actually, it is about as lame as you can get. I need to decide which homework I'm going to do and on which day. The only thing that needs to for sure get done is an outline for speech four in public speaking class. I have to have it done by tomorrow night because on Monday it is due. No exceptions. That means I need to do all my other homework assignments that are also due on Monday tonight. I already finished my chapter fourteen quiz for public speaking already. There is one thing off my list. I need to revise my paper or at least start it so I can have all the time I need to do that outline. The outline is important because that is my only class that I have a B in and I hate it. I also have a huge fifteen page paper/project due in Sociology on April 10. I still need to do my three page summary. It won't be bad once I get started but it is really tough to start because it's a lot of abstract thinking. I'm definitely procrastinating on that one. It's going to take a lot of thinking and I am too worn out for that tonight so I think I'm going to plan on doing that on Tuesday. I'm off Tuesday and I'm going to dedicate that day for sociology. I have a lot to do on Tuesday. I work out at 8:30, which is good so I will be up early. I need to get birth control and do laundry. My laundry is way over due. I finished my Spanish homework a little earlier so I'm ahead on that class. It's nice to feel relaxed. I am so stressed right now. No going out for me!

day by day

I was trying to think of a good topic to write about but nothing sounded tempting. I even remembered to glance at the sheet we did at the beginning of the semester. The sheet was a million of different topics from about 24 different areas. How could I not find something. Nothing sounded appealing so I just chose to write a little about my day. To start off with, I will say that it is Saturday, March the fourth. I went to bed last night around midnight so I could have eight hours of sleep. I'm into this whole sleeping thing lately. That is probably because last semester I had little to no sleep. I was a mess so I changed that around this semester. I had to wake up this morning at eight o clock because at nine I had to be at work. I got a seven hour shift today at MaMa Jeans. I worked from nine till four. This was an awesome shift. I love when I don't have to close. The shift goes much faster when you come in early. The day started off awesome because I got to work with my favorite employee. Her name is Allison, too. We chit chatted and checked people out at the register. My register schedule was nine to eleven then two to four, which is nice also. The day was steady until all hell broke lose. The line went crazy and the credit card machine stopped working. My CAM, which is our system froze up. I had very nice customers that were patient though. I got off at four and then drove over to the YMCA. I ran on the tread mile to burn 200 calories and then did some ab work outs. After the gym, I went tanning and got ready. My dad was going to take me out to dinner since he was in town. After dinner, I did some homework and met up with my best friend from Waynesville. We just went to the mall and talked. It was a good day.

working out

Starting this semester, I have been on a health streak. I still mess up a lot and eat bad but for the most part it is like night and day. I joined the YMCA and starting working out almost every single night since I've joined. I just realised at semester that I needed to make a change. I had done it. I had gained the freshman fifteen. Before I had joined the YMCA, I just would drive all the way to my friends apartment across Springfield just to run on the treadmile or I would try to squeeze in a work out after my classes and before work. I would go to work sweaty and gross but I didn't care because I knew I was doing better for my body. Not only was I doing better by exercising but also my diet was much better. I no longer went out and drank every night. We didn't go to Cheddars every day of the week. Well, actually I havn't went out to eat at all this semester except for when my family comes to see me in Springfield. I quit eating junk like chocolate. I stopped getting fast food. The closest thing to fast food that I get is Subway and I get that on wheat bread with vegetables. I eat so much fiber. I did a cleanse which helped me a lot. After my cleanse, I started eatin the fiber. I buy fruits and vegetables every time that I work at MaMa Jean's. I don't drink any soday what so ever. I also don't drink the juices that are full of fructose corn syrup and what not. I have already lost six pounds. Six pounds has taken a while to come off but it is worth it to do it the healthy way. I start meeting with my personal trainer on Tuesday so that will be another step. I just want to look better for summer. I want to feel healthy. I want to keep this up and cut down a little less on the crap I eat. It's just hard to change my diet. The exercising isn't much of a problem.

Love

Boys used to be the last thing on my mind. I'm not a "mushy" type at all. I'm not the type that is anti love either though. Some people hate when they see couples showing PDA (public display of affection) but I don't care. Couples can do what they want. A lot of people also are jealous of relationships. I wasn't jealous nor cared about others business. I don't care for roses and chocolate and being taken out for dinner. I like to pay for my part of the meal and my movie ticket. I don't need to be pampered and very low maintenance. The only thing that I can be high maintenance about is that I have to feel like I am cared about. I have to have a good night call every night and I have to be seen when possible. Sex is not a big thing to me either. I think that is the bases of a lot of people relationships. In my opinion, I think that is lust not love. Love is being able to just enjoy each others company no matter what you are doing. I enjoy just sitting on the couch talking about random things through out the day much more then receiving material things. Money is not an issue to me at this point in time. I hate when girls are so angry just because they didn't get what they wanted for Valentines Day. Get a life. Don't spend so much time building up anger. Use that time to enjoy each others company and laugh about nothing. Even though I have never been the relationship type, I believe my relationship with my boyfriend is going just fine even though he doesn't have the money to pick me up and take me out. He doesn't even have a car for that matter anymore. That's not his fault that his family is not wealthy. He makes me happy and that bothers me that girls can get mad about something as petty as money. All I care about is if he proves that he cares and can make me happy. He makes me laugh and smile constantly and that is why I feel that I love him.

VayCay!

My mom called me this morning with some exciting news. She had just told me last month that the travel agency places messed up our Cancun reservations so we just canceled our vacation plans all together. It wasn't worth what we were going to be put through. But no, she called and told me she found a vaction for us and already booked it! We are going to a really nice place called the Don Ceasar in St. Petersburg, Florida. We got a one bedroom suit for me and my mom. It's right on the beach and walking distance from a mall. We're going to be flying right from the Springfield airport on Kearney street. It's going to be so convient. We will be flying out of Springfield on May 19 and will return on May 22. I'm taking the 23rd also off so I can relax an extra day and get my life back together and put my clothes away. I love the beach. The last two summers I went to Gulf Shores, Alabama and I loved it. I love the beach there. We normally went on cold vacations in the summer like Washington. It rained basically the whole time we were there. I haven't vacationed in Florida though since I was like five years old. We went to Disney World of course. I honestly don't remember that trip at all. I'm really excited to go back. This is the first year that I really feel like I deserve a vacation. I don't see my parents near enough and I actually have the money to buy my own plane ticket so that will be nice for my parents. I'm excited that I actually have enough money to do that. It will be so nice to just lay out and tan. I love tanning. I love letting the waves crash at my ankles. I pretty much can't wait. I'm really excited and it's only a couple months away.

total mood change

So, I have been pretty pesimistic lately. I think mainly because I was so stressed out. I felt as if I had to impress everyone. I also worked so much more than I'm used to. I miss family and hate the fact that I can't see them when I want to. I also feel bad I lost touch with so many friends. The homework isn't that bad but it's really hard when I have so much other things to stress over. It begins to work yourself up. But after spring break, I have had time to relax and think about things. I have turned my life around in a sense. I'm very content with life and have set a lot of realistic goals that I'm looking forward to accomplishing. I finally joined the YMCA and I'm about to quit my tanning membership to save some money. The thing I'm most excited for it to start a healthy lifestyle. I don't want just a healthy body but also mind. I want to do well on my homework and relax. I love working out and I'm interested in starting a healthy diet. I can not wait for April 6th. It's the day that I will be losing 65 dollars but gaining a lot more in the long run. I'm going to start my personal trainer with the MaMa Jean's crew. This is going to be a huge test for me. I won't be able to go out because I'm going to be working out three days a week at 7 in the morning. This is going to last for six weeks. Basically, I'm going to be doing this from now till the end of this year. I'm hoping by summer, I'm looking pretty fit. That would be so nice. I'm really self concious about my body. I think because I gained a lot of weight in the past couple of years. I just finally feel content with my life and can't wait for summer. I guess, I finally just realised I make my own decisions in life and I'm happy with life. It's a great feeling.

more rambling about time

I'm not going to lie. I miss my boyfriend Trey so much and can not wait till he gets back up here tonight after I get off work. But I feel almost as if I was a lost less stressed without him. I feel that way because me and my room mate finally got a chance to spend one on one time together all the nights he was gone. We have been missing our one on one time and it makes me sad. I love hanging out with her but I also love hanging out with him. I love him and that's just basically how girls are when they are in love. They start to push away from the friends they love just to spend time with him. I hate it but I'm going to want to hang out with my boyfriend. I basically only hang out with him at night anyway because I'm really busy with work and school while he has school and is a pledge in his Fraternity. That fraternity takes up a lot of his time. But without him here, I havn't had to stress about somehow ditching my friends and it's great. I'm also able to get more homework done that has been needed to get done for quite some time. I had this sociology project that is basically worth are whole entire grade that I basically just started on spring break. It's due April 10 so I definately needed this break from everyone. I feel though that I'm almost going to have less time for my friends once I join this personal trainer team next week. I won't be able to go out and that will be hard. My friends are college girls and they are going to want to go out. I'm honestly content not going out till summer but I hate missing out on good time with my friends. I just hope everything works out and I'm able to start this whole getting up at 6 in the morning again like high school instead of feeling like I'm dead with nine hours of sleep getting up at 9 in the morning. I guess we'll see!

decisions, decisions

My newest decision is if I want to have a personal trainer or not. MaMa Jean's had this deal where 12 people, 2 groups of 6, have the chance to meek with a personal trainer three times a week for six weeks. They are competing to see who will lose the most weight. One group of six meets up Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays while the other group meets up Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. The catch is they meet up at 7:30 A.M. That is VERY early for me. I can't even remember the last time I woke up that early. Nevermind, It was last year to get up for high school. But I don't remember ever getting up that early by choice. I'm a little nervous to throw away $70 dollars by saying I want to do this then skip out. I would be mad at myself for not pushing myself but for also throwing away my money. I really want to do it because I want to lose weight and not feel self concious wearing a bathing suit in the summer. I feel like a personal trainer will actually push me and make me do it. I also think it will be a nice change to get up early in the morning and have the whole day to be alive. The only thing is that basically mean's no going out because I'm not going to want to go out the night before I have to get up at six in the morning. I also will probably be so tired by the night of working out I wont want to do anything. If his sessions were just later in the day, I would gladly join and be sure of my decision. The other thing is that I'm already paying $26 a month for the YMCA. I just joined that gym so that's a lot of money I'm spending in April. I'm also paying rent, electricity, and tanning. I just can not decide but I have to by April 1st, which is about four days away. I don't know why I'm leting myself stress about it. I guess I just know it's going to be a big commitment for me but it's worth it. I just will feel bad when my friends want to go out and I always say no. I hope they understand.

Lost some friends along the way

It's basically obvious as to what will happen to have your friendships in high school once you graduate. You probably wont even hear from half your "best friends" after you go off to college. It's not a deviant way, just a way of life and growing up. You should feel blessed that they were even in your life at all and not dwell on the fact that you don't speak anymore. I feel horrible that I don't take twenty minutes out of my day to call some of my best friend's I've had for years. I just honestly feel so busy. I really wish I had more time off and to spare so I could go down to Waynesville more often because I hate not seeing family and close friends. Even here in Springfield, I'm completely content not talking to that many people. Basically, right now I just call my mom, my room mate, my boyfriend, and one other friend up here. I actually like it that was. It's less stressful for me.
Last summer I made one of the best friends I have ever had. We were inseperable. I basically lived at her house for the summer. We would go to the pool, parties, shopping, and she even stayed with me when I got my new apartment in July. We were so excited for college because she would be going to MSU while I went to OTC. Yeah, I havn't seen her since she went to school. It really erks me when she says it's awkward now because we don't talk. Who's fault is that I think. I really hate it that I lost her as a friends. I especially hate it because there was no reason for us to lose contact. We are only like three minutes apart and were about 15 when we lived in Waynesville. She just didn't have time for me. It bugged me though because I work and she has no job, yet I put in effort. I know it's not just me though because she only hangs out with the same two girls she has since she got there and is content with that. Well, I'm content with how things are too. I just hate how I lost that friend for no reason.

work

Today was about the longest day of work EVER. I mean it was also literally pretty long. I was there from noon till close which is about 8:30 P.M. The day just seemed to drag on. I thought last night I would be a good girl and work out then take a shower, do some homework, and go to bed to make sure I was rested. I went to bed at midnight and didn't wake up till nine but still seemed a little tired and sickly. I got up and went to the YMCA and ran two miles on the treadmile. I was feeling great. Then i came home to do a little homework before work at noon. For some reason once I had a bowl of cereal I was just plain, flat out exhausted. I drank some juice thinking maybe that might rebuild my energy. It didn't. I really just wanted to take a nap. But I pulled myself together and took myself to work. I looked at the register schedule. I was on the register from 1 till 3 then I had an hour off before my next set of 4- close. The 1-3 would be a piece of cake I thought and it was. For some reason I was just ready to go though after those two hours. It was only the begining. I decided to give myself a treat and run by Subway on my break. That boosted up my moood a little but I was still tired. I even bough a Kombucha which is an expensive drink that boosts my energy. That was a waste of $4 dollars. But I pulled through and did my four long hours of cashiering. I was hoping I'd atleast be on the register with my favorite co-worker, Allison, but I wasn't. I was stuck with the quiestest girl on this planet. I shouldn't say anything bad about her because she is so sweet. I just wanted someone perky like Allison to get me going. If you can't tell, I like to blog so I can vent about anything random that bugs me at all.

Accomplished

It's crazy how much more accomplished I feel when I am left alone. I can find any excuse to procrastinate if people are here at my apartment or in Springfield at all. It's spring break and all my friends, including my roommate went home to spend time with families. I have a job so that's a little tough to do and I don't want to ask off for a whole week. Another thing that magically happens when I'm left alone here at my apartment is I get some well needed rest. I slept for eight whole hours last night and got up at nine to get a work out done at the YMCA before I went into work at 12:30. I'm pretty pleased with my self. Last night I also got caught up on homework. I really needed to get started on my sociology project that is due April 10. I hadn't even started on the reflections or summary. The reflections would be so easy if I would just start. I kept telling myself until I finally got my lazy butt up and started. I'm no where near done but it's a start. I also needed to catch up on about five journals for my English class. I also had some Spanish homework I got done. I felt so relieved that I slept right through the night. I also worked out last night so when I woke up I didn't feel like a fat cow. It's crazy how much working out does for you. It makes you feel good about yourself, it gives you energy, it puts you in a good mood, and it's great for your body. The smartest thing I've done in this last week was actually joining the YMCA because it's cheap and awesome! Basically, I just feel like I was so productive because I was left by myself. I'm sure when everyone else gets back up here, life will turn back into a stressful mess. But let's hope I'm able to keep this feeling of accomplishment going.

Rambling about nothing

Sometimes I just need to write even though I don't really have anything else to say so I'm just going to ramble on about anything random that pops off the top of my head. That is the whole point of free writing isn't it. I love free writing because it gets your mind juices flowing. Wow, maybe juices wasn't the best term for it. What I mean is it get's your creativeness out. First subject, my boyfriend. I am so lucky to have this kid. He goes to MSU and is from a small town called Dixon that is about ten minutes from where I am from, Waynesville. He is so good to me and I'm very apprectiative of him. Second subject: Why do I stress my self out for no reason. I know I'm a busy girl but that's no reason to stress. If I would just sleep eight hours a day I think that would save me a lot. I would be rejuvinated in the morning and still have time to get what I need to do done. I could do my homework, go to work, excersice, shower, and still have time to see friends and Trey. I should probably start that. I also want to figure out what classes I'm going to take this summer and semester. I think this summer I'm going to try taking two online classes since I'm going to be in Springfield anyway for work. I have never tried online classes but they can't be too difficult. I am also thinkin about making my schedule for Fall semeser classes of 2010. Wow, that's weird saying 2010. But the plan there is to try Tuesday, Thursday classes. But I still want to be able to work on those days so the plan is to do 12 credit hours. I figure that would be good because I could take nine of the credits at campus and the other three online. I could go to class the same time I am now as Monday, Wednesday, Friday classes. I could still go 10 A.M. to 2P.M like I'm doing now. I love that schedule. It gets me up early but late enough I can sleep in and by 2 I still have the day to either mess around if I'm off and if not go to work. Well, this was a nice random rambling.

This boy

I had this boyfriend for a year. He was my most serious boyfriend ever and I honestly loved him. But of course it seems all good things come to an end. He was shot and killed. After he died I was a depressed mess. Long story short, I hated "love" and was single for two years. The first year I was completely fine with being alone and really couldn't imagine it any other way. But after a year and a half I started to get lonely and stupid. I would try to make myself like boys that treated me like crap just to feel like I had someone who cared for me. That was as miserable as anything. This passed summer I decided that wasn't working on me and tried a new approach. Don't search for love. That's not the way to go about it and on most occasions you end up making yourself look like a creeper. I should have taken that advice a year ago! My friend Chelsea started dating this boy from Dixon. So I hung out with her and her boyfriend for a good while and then one random night we decided to surprise him at him and his "boy's camp out." That's exactly when I met my boyfriend. We didn't even talk that night but some how we kept running into each other. I met my boyfriend Trey without even looking. We have now been together for six months. I can't believe it. We are so good together. We are nothing alike but we get along great. I'm the crazy outgoing one and most people are lucky to get two words out of him. He's the super shy and quiet type. You would never think we were together. He's not anything my type but I think that makes it more real. I love him and love being around him. He's great for me. It's so random that we're together but I love random and I love him as my boyfriend. He's a good guy and goes out of his way to make me happy. He's the first nice guy I've ever dated and it's nice. Ass hole's were getting old. I've dated too many of them and I wouldn't call those relationships. But all in all, I'm happy.

About time

I finally did what I've been saying I was going to do since this semester started. I joined the YMCA. I have been putting this off for so long. I made up so many pointless excuses. My main excuse was the money issue. It's only $26 a month for a student and I can quit whenever I choose. How dumb is that excuse? All I would have to do is not by an outfit that month or go out to eat. It's simple to save that much. There's also so many benifits to being a member of the YMCA. You can use it at all six of the local YMCA's. I will more then likely just go to the one on Republic Road or the Downtown one but still it's nice to have options. Members also get a nutrition coach that helps prepare you for your new healthy lifestyle. You can go to all the classes for free. I'm really excited about that one. I want to do yoga, palates, and any ab classes. I can't wait to start those. You can tell I was excited about joining because as soon s my mom left Springfield to head home, I got my stuff ready and left for the gym. I decided to go to the downtown one because I was familiar with it since I had already done volunteer hours there for my Sociology class. I instantly ran two miles on the treadle which I'm surprised I did because normally It wears me out and can barely finish one mile on the treadmill. Then I went to the second floor where the weight training equipment is. I did ab exercises and leg/hip exercises. I felt really successful with my day and decided to relax. Then I decided I would try out the sauna so I could not only relax, but sweat some more out. I got so hot in there and then decided to jump in the pool to cool off. I just love all the choices I have there. Once I got out of the pool I decided I was done and took a shower there and came home. I'm very pleased with my choice of joining the YMCA.

Spring Break

So spring break is supposed to be a huge party time or time for relaxing in the middle of your second semester. Neither of these situations seems to be the case for me. I'm not flying out to Cancun to get drunk and catch the sun's rays and I'm definitely not relaxing. Sure, It is awesome to be off from school and have three days off from work but I feel like I have been nonstop going at it. Well Friday was our last day's of class and I only had one final so that was fine but then it was a rush from then on. After class I decide to get a quick thirty minute workout going on so I wont be mad at myself. After I'm done wiping the sweat off my forehead I realize I need to get a move on it and go to work since I only had fifteen minutes till I needed to clock in. So I get to MaMa Jean's and work there till close. I like my job so that's fine but some people decided to not come in and leave us hanging so we don't get out till late. Well then I double check the schedule to see if my schedule stayed the same and I can go ahead and get on my way to Waynesville. I couldn't believe it. They changed my schedule for Saturday 11- close. So I go home and just relax. I already have my stuff packed so I don't have to worry about that. Then I work for eight hours and I'm off again. Since I've been home I don't think I've sat down for more then a half an hour besides when I sleep. I love being busy but it kind of stinks because I had a lot I needed to do that I haven't. Now I'm going back to Springfield tomorrow with my mom and I think I'm going to just stay there since I have work Wednesday. I just feel like I've been so busy and I never get a chance to slow it down. Man, I can't wait till summer.

My Mom

So I know pretty much every one think's they have the best mom. Sorry to say but no. It's not only me being biassed because once people meet my mom they instantly agree and tell me they're jealous. She's the type of person who just makes you smile when you talk to her. She taught elementary schoolers from kindergarten through third grade for thirty years. When she goes to Wal Mart or a local sports games, she'll get hugs from students she had twenty years ago to first graders she had just a year ago. That should be an indication of what kind of person she is. She is honestly the nicest, most loyal, and funniest person I have ever met in my entire life. It's no surprise to hear she's my bestfriend. I would seriously back out of so many plans with friends just to watch a movie I've seen a million times just to hang out with my mom. She is so random and I love it. My dad is such a lucky man. She has such a patience, if you can't tell with working with that age of kids for so long. She also is very optimistic with the things she chooses to do. She never complains. She just make's jokes to turn situations around. I hope one day I can be the mom she was because I honestly don't think anyone could be a better person. She is not physical at all. I never got a spanking from her growing up. That just wasn't in her nature. She found it more productive to just sit us down and explain to us why whatever we did was wrong. I think her approach was a lot more meaningful then my dad's swift kick in the butt method. She did way too much for us kids growing up. I don't know how she did it. She would wake up at five in the morning and make us breakfast, take us to school, go to school, teach and do career ladder for about eight hours, go home, get dinner started, make sure we had a ride to soccer practice, do the laundry, do the dishes, and still had time for us. She is seriously a wonder woman in my eyes. I was way too blessed.

Sicky :(

Days like today remind me how much I hate being sick. I'm so lucky that i rarely get sick. When I was younger I pretty much stayed sick. I mean I had bacterial spinal menigitus at just a couple weeks old. I'm kind of surprised I'm still alive but I'm sure that didn't do too much good for my immune system. Well, back to the point. Yesterday I woke up and my eyes were swollen shut. I couldn't even think because my head was just pounding as if someone was taking a hammer to my head. Not to memtion, it was like a waterfall coming out of my nose which is a little disturbing to think about. Basically, I felt horrible. Oh, it gets even better. I work up late and had to hurry to class. I managed to get through my classes even though I couldn't sit in any of my classes without leaving in the middle of the class to go to the bathroom and blow my nose. It was horribly annoying. The same thing kept running through my mind all day. What am I going to do about work? There's no way I can get through the day but I close and I think it's so direspectful to the other closers to just call in and make them take care of everything. That's not fair and I don't like it when other people do it to me. So I drag my butt to work and it just stinks because I'm a cashier. It would be different if I stocked shelves but no I'm over the counter touching people's food and talking to them. I promise I got the comment "You should try going to a health food store" about 20 times and not once was it funny. It got old about the first time I heard it. I already felt horrible enough and I sure didn't need it rubbed in my face. But long story short, I went to work and stayed there miserably and closed. I got home about nine and I took a shower and straight went to bed. I didn't wake up till about noon today. Good thing I had today off. But it also stinks because it's such a nice day and I can't even enjoy it. Oh, well, things have got to get better I would hope.

Setting Out of Significant Event

If I were going to pick a setting that attaches to my significant event I just wrote about It would take me to about four days later after the event. It was August 21, 2004. It was a beautiful day outside, about 80 degrees. The birds were chirping and the wind was barely boring. It was the perfect day outside for a wedding. This event was actually the complete oposite of a wedding. I went to my boyfriend's funeral. When you looked around all you could see was red eyes of distraught people running around frantically or hugging eachother. It was like looking at clumps of black through my teary eyes. My eyes were pretty swollen by then. The funeral was basically a blur but from what I remember there was about fifty people there I would say. There were all different tones of voices and cries during the service. The seats were wooden with maroon velvit covering them. There was a huge painting done of Wes. I can even remember the songs that were played. The first song was "The Dance" by Tim McGraw. The second song was "Hurt" by Christina Angulera. Last but not least, "Amazing Grace" was played. I remember looking up about that time and seeing Wes' mom dart outside of the funeral home. I didn't blame her because I was about to do the exact same thing. When we got out of the service I then just sat on the green grass with a couple other girls around. Some younger cousin was walking around different cliques I guess you could say with tissues that were well needed. There was so many red faces with red eyes, nose, and cheeks. It seemed as if alll the cliques were all coming together in this time of adversity. It was nice to see because a lot of friends that were angry before had now bandaged up their bond.

Significant Change Freewrite

It was on August 17, 2004 that my life changed forever. I honestly grew so much after that day. I wouldn't necessarily say it was for the better or worse but I changed. You are probably wondering what event happened on that day. It was not only the first day of my junior year in high school but also the day my first love left me for good. I'm not talking left me as in broke up with me over something stupid but as in he was shot and killed. It's one of those things that happened out of no where. Our relationship was doing amazing and to have it just end before I even could process it killed something inside of me. I had no idea where to go from there. Of course at first I was a complete mess and didn't know any other way to look at it besides feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for yourself gets old pretty quickly. I decided I was tired of not eating or sleeping and just crying wasn't going to cut it any longer. I then decided to take a new approach and be appreciative and strong. I looked at it as I was blessed for even meeting someone that changed my life so much in the first place. He made me the happiest I ever was for that past year and nothing can change that. I became stronger and more independent. I didn't rely on other people to make me happy. Happiness is up to you. But it wasn't all good obviously that came from that experience. I couldn't trust anything. I did think all things could somehow backfire on me. The experience did hold me back I guess you could say. I did cry because I did lose my boyfriend. But that boy showed me love and there was the chance of finding it again someday. I now am more mature then the girl that fell in love with the boy. I also learned you need to cherish your moments with special people because you never know how long they will be around. Appreciate everything.

It Hit Me

Today I woke up in a crabby mood. I was in this mood because I hate going to work on Sunday's. It's not that I don't like work because I love my job. The reason I hate going is because I get left by myself on the register for seven straight hours. In my opinion, it's not fair that I never get a break and everyone else can do whatever just because I'm the new girl. I'm not even that new. I have been there since the middle of July. But anyway, the point is that I shouldn't be stuck with that job. I look around and I see Will, this guy I work with on the computer creeping on facebook and I see the other girl just sitting around laughing. Looking around and seeing that the other employees aren't doing anything doesn't help my situation at all. I get even more pissy. So as I'm standing there ringing up customers at work, I hear a familiar voice and look up to see who it was. It was my dad! I was shocked to say the least. I haven't talked to him in a couple weeks I'd say. He was in town because he coaches an indoor soccer league. But it hit me all at once. I just started tearing up. I am an emotional person I have to admit but I'm never the one to just start crying. It surprised me probably as much as it surprised the other customers I was ringing up. It's just crazy how something that happens so fast can change your mood for the whole day and turn you into a emotional roller coaster. I was no longer mad but in an excited, shocked, crying, but happy mood. After he got there he told me to go straight home after work and we would get a bite to eat. I was pretty excited when he took me to my favorite restaurant, Olive Garden. We just shared and appetizer and caught up with each other's life. It was nice.

What's in the Way?

What's in the way? So many things are popping up in my mind. First off I would say that my choices are holding my back from success. I don't mean I'm failing but I could do better. I hurt myself when I can't say no. For example, I tell myself that when I get off work I'm just going to go home, take a shower, and do my homework but then when my friends ask me to go the club, I go along with them. That was a bad choice. I had a sociology test first thing in the morning I could barely function for. My eyes wouldn't stay open and my head was pounding. Then it gets better. I totally forgot I had a speech due the next hour. I did okay but I had no energy. The only comment I got was that I was monotone. What a surprise? The worst part is that this is almost an everyday thing. I did good for two weeks about saying "no." It's a totally different life when you get sleep. It's nice waking up in the morning and not feeling like someone is pounding a hammer on your head. It's nice feeling like you are going to be productive for the day. I'm busy enough so I don't know why I make these dumb desicions. Another example: I go to school from 10 to 2 then I go straight to work till closing time at work (8 P.M.) I get stressed because I'm always on the go. There's no reason for me to make life more tough. When I do usually get a break I try to work out. That's stressful also. I feel fat all the time and I have to stress when finding time to fit in my workout schedule. I wish I had one day completely off from school and work. I would just get a good night's sleep and then sleep in. I would work out first thing in the morning then go run errands such as laundry. Then I could pay my rent and clean my room. I could even catch up with old friends I havn't had time for. There are so many possibilities of things I could get done if I just wouldn't go out.

Home At Last

After waiting and waiting, I finally got to go see family in Waynesville today. I havn't seen my family since Christmas and it was starting to take it's toll on me. I missed them so much so I decided to randomly drive home after I closed at work last night. I got home around midnight and only got to stay till about 7p.m. but it was well worth it. My parents were so excited. My mom woke me up around 10 a.m. and I got ready and we took a walk around my home with the pets. It was nice catching up. Then we decided we wanted to take a walk down to the park so we walked by the river there. We then went to the library and got on the computer and booked a vacation after my spring classes ended and before summer classes started. We are going to Clearwater, Florida. I can't wait for that. Then we ran by my grandparents house for about an hour. They were so excited to see me. My dad called soon after that and we met him at Cracker Barrel and got some lunch. It was delcious and it was nice to talk to him also. Then we went home and I finally took a shower and just layed around. It was the most relaxing day I have had in a while. After I wasted time at the house I realized I would need to head back to Springfield but I still had wanted to work out a little. My mom agreed and we were off two the fitness center. We did the aerobics class. So much for my shower, right. After that we ran by Wal Mart to get the necessaries before I left. All I got was a strawberry banana Naked smoothie and I was on my way. Today was awesome! :)

Free writing in class

I am good at quite a few things, it’s just hard plucking them off the top of my head. I am definatly good at eating for sure. I could eat consecutively for hours. I am good at making people laugh if I do say so myself. I feel that since I’m weird and different people enjoy that about me. I’m good at NOT procrastinating aka good at getting things done on time. I am never late for anything. I am good at thinking about others feelings. I am good about calling my mom every day. I’m good at saving money. I’m the biggest tightwad you will ever meet. I’m good at being lazy. I can let dishes pile up for days without touching them until I smell rotten milk. I’m good at realizing what’s important to me and putting priorities first. I’m good at shooting the basketball just not running. I think I’m pretty good at soccer, just a little slow but in soccer if you know the game you don’t necessarily need the speed. I’m good at shoot I’m running out of things to say. If it was finding things I’m bad at I could go on and on. But I guess I could say I am good at reading. I’m decent at writing. I WISH I was good at keeping in touch but honestly I’m not the best. I’m starting to be good at standing up for myself which used to be very no scratch that extremely hard for me. I’m good with computers. I can usually figure out what is wrong with my computer any time it decides to go nuts. I’m good at helping my grandma out by doing things with her and helping her get aound. I’m good at making myself work out. This is a recent skill for me also because I could never get my self to actually get up and run a mile. I’m good about managing my time. I can always find a way to go to work and school. Good listener.

Free writing in class

I am good at quite a few things, it’s just hard plucking them off the top of my head. I am definatly good at eating for sure. I could eat consecutively for hours. I am good at making people laugh if I do say so myself. I feel that since I’m weird and different people enjoy that about me. I’m good at NOT procrastinating aka good at getting things done on time. I am never late for anything. I am good at thinking about others feelings. I am good about calling my mom every day. I’m good at saving money. I’m the biggest tightwad you will ever meet. I’m good at being lazy. I can let dishes pile up for days without touching them until I smell rotten milk. I’m good at realizing what’s important to me and putting priorities first. I’m good at shooting the basketball just not running. I think I’m pretty good at soccer, just a little slow but in soccer if you know the game you don’t necessarily need the speed. I’m good at shoot I’m running out of things to say. If it was finding things I’m bad at I could go on and on. But I guess I could say I am good at reading. I’m decent at writing. I WISH I was good at keeping in touch but honestly I’m not the best. I’m starting to be good at standing up for myself which used to be very no scratch that extremely hard for me. I’m good with computers. I can usually figure out what is wrong with my computer any time it decides to go nuts. I’m good at helping my grandma out by doing things with her and helping her get aound. I’m good at making myself work out. This is a recent skill for me also because I could never get my self to actually get up and run a mile. I’m good about managing my time. I can always find a way to go to work and school. Good listener.

My Job

I spend most of my precious time at my job. I work at Mama Jean’s Natural Market ,which I’m sure most of you have never heard of. It’s a health food store my Aunt owns. I’m a cashier there where I work about 30 hours a week. When I first started working there I was so CONFUSED. I had never heard of half the things they sold. What are ear candles I asked myself as they showed me around. The people that work there I loved from the getgo. The employees there are very..different. They are also the nicest people I have ever met. They are so open and intouch with there selves. They are so funny too. I have now been working at MaMa Jean’s since July and it’s by far my favorite job. It has taught me so much about my body. I have became a much more healthier and self concious eater. I now try foods I would have never tried. It’s just a really interesting store with very interesting people that come in there to shop and that work there. The customers there are probably the nicest people I have met in springfield, also some of the oddest. Even though Their food is a little over priced in my eyes, it’s good stuff. I don’t know enough about organic food to preech about it, but I do believe organic is the way to go. I’m actually going into work right when I get out of school. I normally get two days off a week. I also normally close, working shifts 3 pm to 8pm. I don’t even mind going to work though since I always learn something new and have fun. I spend a lot of money there, but It’s supporting the business that pays me so why not? Most people who go in there for the first time immidiatly have a love or hate for it. But it seems to the people that come in there continue to come.

Mexico

If I could be somewhere other then this classroom, my top pick would be Cancun, Mexico. I don’t even care if there are wars going on there or all that other drama. I have wanted to go there for about three years straight. I want to get the all inclusive package where they pay for your hotel, flight, food, and rides to and from places. It’s a little expensive but you can find really good deals if you search early. Me and my mom found a flight for only 1500 for two people and four days and four nights. That’s a pretty good deal, considering the place we would be staying at. I want to tan my body and work out while I’m there. It might either make me be really inspired to work out and be healthy or the complete opposite with the free, good food. I also want to use my spanish skills I have learned over the past three years and communicate with the people there. I hate not knowing what people are saying to me or what’s going on. I also wouldn’t mind drinking with my mom. It would be fun. I definitely don’t want to get completely wasted with her and run through the beach naked with her but you know have a nice glass of wine to give the vacation feel. Actually, now that I think about it, going vacation anywhere with a beach would nice. I love to travel but I have never been outside the United States so that would be a nice change to broaden my horizon. I want to hear good music, smell good food, get splashed by ocean waves, and soak in the sun. I
can see all shapes, sizes, and colors of people running and laughing on the sandy beach side. I see people riding the waves and making sand castles. I see the older drunks laughing behind their tall glass of Carona’s. I see not a cloud in the sky during the day, just bright blue. The water is a crystal blue color. I see so many colorful sea shells that I can’t even count. At night I see the pink and orange mixture in the sky. It is just beautiful. I see my mom smile at me as she is so happy we could finally go. I see good food lined up on the buffet. That may not be a good thing. I also see sweat dripping off people’s hot bodies. I see colorful hats.
I hear laughter and screams of happiness. I hear all langauges speaking. I hear the sounds of Mexican singers and instrument players. I hear the waves crashing. I hear the air conditioner in our nice hotel. I hear my mom talking to my dad on the phone. I hear the sound of my ipod as I jog down the beach. I hear the sound of sea gulls.
I can taste the saltiness of the tortilla chips. I can taste the fresh pineapple in the morning. I can taste the salt from the ocean. I can taste the tamales, enchiladas, and quesadillas we got. I can taste the fresh salad me and my mom made up.
I can smell the fresh mexican food cooking up. I can smell the perfumes of people in the restaraunt. I can smell the scent of sunscreen and tanning oild as I am walking along the beach. I can smell sweet desserts cooking as I walk down the street.
I can feel the sand in between my toes. I can feel the sweat dripping down my body. I can feel the smooth wind blow past me. I feel the waves flow to and from me. I feel the massuse massage my body. I can feel the water as I shower and risne my body. I can feel the soothe chapstick I put on to save my lips.

Annoyances

Tonight is one of those nights where every little thing annoys me. Why is everything due tomorrow? Is that woodpecker outside ever going to stop banging it's head. It must have a massive head ache. Is she really just going to leave here stuff laying here. Where is my money going? When am I going to get my clothes ready to bring home. What am I going to do if I can't find my flashdrive? Why don't I ever have time to sleep? I just feel so annoyed and stressed out tonight. I just need a day off from school and work to just lay around, catch up on sleep, clean my room, study for classes, and just relax. Right now I just have so much built up inside and I can't seem to calm it. I don't mean to get annoyed so easily is because I just get so irritated when I'm stressed. I can't think straight because I just have people talking in my ear. The biggest annoyance to me is my weight. First semester I drank my life away basically. I stayed up all night then I would just take power naps to get me by. I went to cheddars about four days out of the week. We ate out about every day atleast one meal. This semester I have stopped drinking. I don't go out to eat. I don't eat anything made with white flour and I don't drink soda's. When go to the grocery store I get fiber cereal, i get apples, oranges, bananas, lettuce, lean cuisine, oatmeal, and grilled chicken breasts. I now work out 5 times a week and sleep regularily. I have not lost weight. I'm also not able to see any changes. That is definately my biggest annoyance of the past months. Another annoyance is that I never get to see my family. Hopefully, with this nice weather my mood will become nicer. I can always hope for this annoying storm to pass.

Missing Home

Day’s like today are what makes me miss home. The temperature is about 75 degrees and the wind is there but calm. I woke up to the bright lighting and birds chirping. I instantly knew today was going to be a good day. Warm weather honestly changes my mood. The only downfall is that it makes me miss home terribly. It reminds me of just last year when I was able to sit outside with my retired parents before I went to school and they drank there coffee on the porch. We would watch our dog run into the house while trying to catch squirells. We would watch our cats roll around in the grass. We had quite a bit to look at considering we have 88 acres of land. I loved it. I loved that we seemed extinct to the other world. My parents would drink there coffee and read the newspaper. We wouldn't even have to talk but I could just feel the warmth. This weather also reminds me of my days playing soccer. I miss soccer more then anything from growing up and high school. I had the best memories from soccer. I always smile when i look back on the past. I miss my dad being my soccer coach until I graduated. I even miss the feeling as if we were going to die after running our three miles on the track. I never thought I would ever miss that. So many memories are flown at me on days like this. It makes me appreciate all my friends but also miss them at the same time. I feel like I can finally relax and think. It's crazy how stressed and emotionless I felt on these cold, winter days. I honestly just felt like I was constantly busy when really it was just a mind set because I am just as busy today but have a different out look. For example, today I am going to class from 10 till 2, then I am going to work out, then I am going straight from OTC to my job at Mama Jeans until we close. Sure, I will be busy but I'm being obtimistic about it. I love this warm weather. It's crazy how something so bland as the temperature can affect your whole outlook on life and give you a blast from the past

The Future?

Thinking about the future is probably the biggest stressor in my life. Not only does it scare me but it irritates me. I know it's a little early to be worrying about what job I want when I graduate, where I'm going to live, who I'm going to marry and things like that but I can't help it. I stress all the time. I stress less now then I did growing up but it's still a little much. The biggest stresser in my life right now is definitely what I'm going to major in. When I was little that question was simple. I always told everyone I wanted to be a cat. Now that reality kicks in I realise being a cat wont quite cut it. I have switched so many times in just my first semester. I understand most people switch atleast one time through out college but I just don't want to waste my time and money on classes that wont go towards acheiving my major. I went from a reading specialist to a high school language teacher to a special education teacher to an engineer to a secretary and now to an elementary school teacher. I'm so confused because I have always changed my mind. I want to be a teacher because I like kids and grading. I also think a secretary job would be perfect because I love doing busy work such as taking notes. All I really know is I want to major in something where I am able to find a job in Waynesville because I think it was the perfect area to raise a family. I know most probably think that is a dumb decision to base my education off of but it's a major part in my life. My dad is the president of the school board in Waynesville and my mom spent her 30 years of teaching there so I think that will help me out a little. I'm very lucky for that. I'm sure I will probably change my mind again but I'm hoping whatever I decide, I am 100% confident in my choice.
The other big stresser of my future is "Who will I marry?" "When will I find him?" "What will he be like?" I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm a huge romantic. I'm into the head over heels falling in love kind of thing. I don't care as much about like a big wedding. But I just want to be happy and in love. I worry they won't agree with a lot of my decisions. I worry they wont want children. There's so many things to worry about even though worrying does nothing to help you. I need to take a deep breath and let God lead me on my path. I trust everything will fall into place but it's tough for me not to worry. I should'nt even be thinking about these things for another couple years but It's me so I have to stress. I wouldn't be surprised if all my hair falls out by next year. Well, atleast then I'm sure if I find someone they aren't dating me for my good looks and great hair.
Anyways, I hope everything works out and I get the future I've always dreamed of. :)