VayCay!

My mom called me this morning with some exciting news. She had just told me last month that the travel agency places messed up our Cancun reservations so we just canceled our vacation plans all together. It wasn't worth what we were going to be put through. But no, she called and told me she found a vaction for us and already booked it! We are going to a really nice place called the Don Ceasar in St. Petersburg, Florida. We got a one bedroom suit for me and my mom. It's right on the beach and walking distance from a mall. We're going to be flying right from the Springfield airport on Kearney street. It's going to be so convient. We will be flying out of Springfield on May 19 and will return on May 22. I'm taking the 23rd also off so I can relax an extra day and get my life back together and put my clothes away. I love the beach. The last two summers I went to Gulf Shores, Alabama and I loved it. I love the beach there. We normally went on cold vacations in the summer like Washington. It rained basically the whole time we were there. I haven't vacationed in Florida though since I was like five years old. We went to Disney World of course. I honestly don't remember that trip at all. I'm really excited to go back. This is the first year that I really feel like I deserve a vacation. I don't see my parents near enough and I actually have the money to buy my own plane ticket so that will be nice for my parents. I'm excited that I actually have enough money to do that. It will be so nice to just lay out and tan. I love tanning. I love letting the waves crash at my ankles. I pretty much can't wait. I'm really excited and it's only a couple months away.

total mood change

So, I have been pretty pesimistic lately. I think mainly because I was so stressed out. I felt as if I had to impress everyone. I also worked so much more than I'm used to. I miss family and hate the fact that I can't see them when I want to. I also feel bad I lost touch with so many friends. The homework isn't that bad but it's really hard when I have so much other things to stress over. It begins to work yourself up. But after spring break, I have had time to relax and think about things. I have turned my life around in a sense. I'm very content with life and have set a lot of realistic goals that I'm looking forward to accomplishing. I finally joined the YMCA and I'm about to quit my tanning membership to save some money. The thing I'm most excited for it to start a healthy lifestyle. I don't want just a healthy body but also mind. I want to do well on my homework and relax. I love working out and I'm interested in starting a healthy diet. I can not wait for April 6th. It's the day that I will be losing 65 dollars but gaining a lot more in the long run. I'm going to start my personal trainer with the MaMa Jean's crew. This is going to be a huge test for me. I won't be able to go out because I'm going to be working out three days a week at 7 in the morning. This is going to last for six weeks. Basically, I'm going to be doing this from now till the end of this year. I'm hoping by summer, I'm looking pretty fit. That would be so nice. I'm really self concious about my body. I think because I gained a lot of weight in the past couple of years. I just finally feel content with my life and can't wait for summer. I guess, I finally just realised I make my own decisions in life and I'm happy with life. It's a great feeling.

more rambling about time

I'm not going to lie. I miss my boyfriend Trey so much and can not wait till he gets back up here tonight after I get off work. But I feel almost as if I was a lost less stressed without him. I feel that way because me and my room mate finally got a chance to spend one on one time together all the nights he was gone. We have been missing our one on one time and it makes me sad. I love hanging out with her but I also love hanging out with him. I love him and that's just basically how girls are when they are in love. They start to push away from the friends they love just to spend time with him. I hate it but I'm going to want to hang out with my boyfriend. I basically only hang out with him at night anyway because I'm really busy with work and school while he has school and is a pledge in his Fraternity. That fraternity takes up a lot of his time. But without him here, I havn't had to stress about somehow ditching my friends and it's great. I'm also able to get more homework done that has been needed to get done for quite some time. I had this sociology project that is basically worth are whole entire grade that I basically just started on spring break. It's due April 10 so I definately needed this break from everyone. I feel though that I'm almost going to have less time for my friends once I join this personal trainer team next week. I won't be able to go out and that will be hard. My friends are college girls and they are going to want to go out. I'm honestly content not going out till summer but I hate missing out on good time with my friends. I just hope everything works out and I'm able to start this whole getting up at 6 in the morning again like high school instead of feeling like I'm dead with nine hours of sleep getting up at 9 in the morning. I guess we'll see!

decisions, decisions

My newest decision is if I want to have a personal trainer or not. MaMa Jean's had this deal where 12 people, 2 groups of 6, have the chance to meek with a personal trainer three times a week for six weeks. They are competing to see who will lose the most weight. One group of six meets up Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays while the other group meets up Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. The catch is they meet up at 7:30 A.M. That is VERY early for me. I can't even remember the last time I woke up that early. Nevermind, It was last year to get up for high school. But I don't remember ever getting up that early by choice. I'm a little nervous to throw away $70 dollars by saying I want to do this then skip out. I would be mad at myself for not pushing myself but for also throwing away my money. I really want to do it because I want to lose weight and not feel self concious wearing a bathing suit in the summer. I feel like a personal trainer will actually push me and make me do it. I also think it will be a nice change to get up early in the morning and have the whole day to be alive. The only thing is that basically mean's no going out because I'm not going to want to go out the night before I have to get up at six in the morning. I also will probably be so tired by the night of working out I wont want to do anything. If his sessions were just later in the day, I would gladly join and be sure of my decision. The other thing is that I'm already paying $26 a month for the YMCA. I just joined that gym so that's a lot of money I'm spending in April. I'm also paying rent, electricity, and tanning. I just can not decide but I have to by April 1st, which is about four days away. I don't know why I'm leting myself stress about it. I guess I just know it's going to be a big commitment for me but it's worth it. I just will feel bad when my friends want to go out and I always say no. I hope they understand.

Lost some friends along the way

It's basically obvious as to what will happen to have your friendships in high school once you graduate. You probably wont even hear from half your "best friends" after you go off to college. It's not a deviant way, just a way of life and growing up. You should feel blessed that they were even in your life at all and not dwell on the fact that you don't speak anymore. I feel horrible that I don't take twenty minutes out of my day to call some of my best friend's I've had for years. I just honestly feel so busy. I really wish I had more time off and to spare so I could go down to Waynesville more often because I hate not seeing family and close friends. Even here in Springfield, I'm completely content not talking to that many people. Basically, right now I just call my mom, my room mate, my boyfriend, and one other friend up here. I actually like it that was. It's less stressful for me.
Last summer I made one of the best friends I have ever had. We were inseperable. I basically lived at her house for the summer. We would go to the pool, parties, shopping, and she even stayed with me when I got my new apartment in July. We were so excited for college because she would be going to MSU while I went to OTC. Yeah, I havn't seen her since she went to school. It really erks me when she says it's awkward now because we don't talk. Who's fault is that I think. I really hate it that I lost her as a friends. I especially hate it because there was no reason for us to lose contact. We are only like three minutes apart and were about 15 when we lived in Waynesville. She just didn't have time for me. It bugged me though because I work and she has no job, yet I put in effort. I know it's not just me though because she only hangs out with the same two girls she has since she got there and is content with that. Well, I'm content with how things are too. I just hate how I lost that friend for no reason.

work

Today was about the longest day of work EVER. I mean it was also literally pretty long. I was there from noon till close which is about 8:30 P.M. The day just seemed to drag on. I thought last night I would be a good girl and work out then take a shower, do some homework, and go to bed to make sure I was rested. I went to bed at midnight and didn't wake up till nine but still seemed a little tired and sickly. I got up and went to the YMCA and ran two miles on the treadmile. I was feeling great. Then i came home to do a little homework before work at noon. For some reason once I had a bowl of cereal I was just plain, flat out exhausted. I drank some juice thinking maybe that might rebuild my energy. It didn't. I really just wanted to take a nap. But I pulled myself together and took myself to work. I looked at the register schedule. I was on the register from 1 till 3 then I had an hour off before my next set of 4- close. The 1-3 would be a piece of cake I thought and it was. For some reason I was just ready to go though after those two hours. It was only the begining. I decided to give myself a treat and run by Subway on my break. That boosted up my moood a little but I was still tired. I even bough a Kombucha which is an expensive drink that boosts my energy. That was a waste of $4 dollars. But I pulled through and did my four long hours of cashiering. I was hoping I'd atleast be on the register with my favorite co-worker, Allison, but I wasn't. I was stuck with the quiestest girl on this planet. I shouldn't say anything bad about her because she is so sweet. I just wanted someone perky like Allison to get me going. If you can't tell, I like to blog so I can vent about anything random that bugs me at all.

Accomplished

It's crazy how much more accomplished I feel when I am left alone. I can find any excuse to procrastinate if people are here at my apartment or in Springfield at all. It's spring break and all my friends, including my roommate went home to spend time with families. I have a job so that's a little tough to do and I don't want to ask off for a whole week. Another thing that magically happens when I'm left alone here at my apartment is I get some well needed rest. I slept for eight whole hours last night and got up at nine to get a work out done at the YMCA before I went into work at 12:30. I'm pretty pleased with my self. Last night I also got caught up on homework. I really needed to get started on my sociology project that is due April 10. I hadn't even started on the reflections or summary. The reflections would be so easy if I would just start. I kept telling myself until I finally got my lazy butt up and started. I'm no where near done but it's a start. I also needed to catch up on about five journals for my English class. I also had some Spanish homework I got done. I felt so relieved that I slept right through the night. I also worked out last night so when I woke up I didn't feel like a fat cow. It's crazy how much working out does for you. It makes you feel good about yourself, it gives you energy, it puts you in a good mood, and it's great for your body. The smartest thing I've done in this last week was actually joining the YMCA because it's cheap and awesome! Basically, I just feel like I was so productive because I was left by myself. I'm sure when everyone else gets back up here, life will turn back into a stressful mess. But let's hope I'm able to keep this feeling of accomplishment going.

Rambling about nothing

Sometimes I just need to write even though I don't really have anything else to say so I'm just going to ramble on about anything random that pops off the top of my head. That is the whole point of free writing isn't it. I love free writing because it gets your mind juices flowing. Wow, maybe juices wasn't the best term for it. What I mean is it get's your creativeness out. First subject, my boyfriend. I am so lucky to have this kid. He goes to MSU and is from a small town called Dixon that is about ten minutes from where I am from, Waynesville. He is so good to me and I'm very apprectiative of him. Second subject: Why do I stress my self out for no reason. I know I'm a busy girl but that's no reason to stress. If I would just sleep eight hours a day I think that would save me a lot. I would be rejuvinated in the morning and still have time to get what I need to do done. I could do my homework, go to work, excersice, shower, and still have time to see friends and Trey. I should probably start that. I also want to figure out what classes I'm going to take this summer and semester. I think this summer I'm going to try taking two online classes since I'm going to be in Springfield anyway for work. I have never tried online classes but they can't be too difficult. I am also thinkin about making my schedule for Fall semeser classes of 2010. Wow, that's weird saying 2010. But the plan there is to try Tuesday, Thursday classes. But I still want to be able to work on those days so the plan is to do 12 credit hours. I figure that would be good because I could take nine of the credits at campus and the other three online. I could go to class the same time I am now as Monday, Wednesday, Friday classes. I could still go 10 A.M. to 2P.M like I'm doing now. I love that schedule. It gets me up early but late enough I can sleep in and by 2 I still have the day to either mess around if I'm off and if not go to work. Well, this was a nice random rambling.

This boy

I had this boyfriend for a year. He was my most serious boyfriend ever and I honestly loved him. But of course it seems all good things come to an end. He was shot and killed. After he died I was a depressed mess. Long story short, I hated "love" and was single for two years. The first year I was completely fine with being alone and really couldn't imagine it any other way. But after a year and a half I started to get lonely and stupid. I would try to make myself like boys that treated me like crap just to feel like I had someone who cared for me. That was as miserable as anything. This passed summer I decided that wasn't working on me and tried a new approach. Don't search for love. That's not the way to go about it and on most occasions you end up making yourself look like a creeper. I should have taken that advice a year ago! My friend Chelsea started dating this boy from Dixon. So I hung out with her and her boyfriend for a good while and then one random night we decided to surprise him at him and his "boy's camp out." That's exactly when I met my boyfriend. We didn't even talk that night but some how we kept running into each other. I met my boyfriend Trey without even looking. We have now been together for six months. I can't believe it. We are so good together. We are nothing alike but we get along great. I'm the crazy outgoing one and most people are lucky to get two words out of him. He's the super shy and quiet type. You would never think we were together. He's not anything my type but I think that makes it more real. I love him and love being around him. He's great for me. It's so random that we're together but I love random and I love him as my boyfriend. He's a good guy and goes out of his way to make me happy. He's the first nice guy I've ever dated and it's nice. Ass hole's were getting old. I've dated too many of them and I wouldn't call those relationships. But all in all, I'm happy.

About time

I finally did what I've been saying I was going to do since this semester started. I joined the YMCA. I have been putting this off for so long. I made up so many pointless excuses. My main excuse was the money issue. It's only $26 a month for a student and I can quit whenever I choose. How dumb is that excuse? All I would have to do is not by an outfit that month or go out to eat. It's simple to save that much. There's also so many benifits to being a member of the YMCA. You can use it at all six of the local YMCA's. I will more then likely just go to the one on Republic Road or the Downtown one but still it's nice to have options. Members also get a nutrition coach that helps prepare you for your new healthy lifestyle. You can go to all the classes for free. I'm really excited about that one. I want to do yoga, palates, and any ab classes. I can't wait to start those. You can tell I was excited about joining because as soon s my mom left Springfield to head home, I got my stuff ready and left for the gym. I decided to go to the downtown one because I was familiar with it since I had already done volunteer hours there for my Sociology class. I instantly ran two miles on the treadle which I'm surprised I did because normally It wears me out and can barely finish one mile on the treadmill. Then I went to the second floor where the weight training equipment is. I did ab exercises and leg/hip exercises. I felt really successful with my day and decided to relax. Then I decided I would try out the sauna so I could not only relax, but sweat some more out. I got so hot in there and then decided to jump in the pool to cool off. I just love all the choices I have there. Once I got out of the pool I decided I was done and took a shower there and came home. I'm very pleased with my choice of joining the YMCA.

Spring Break

So spring break is supposed to be a huge party time or time for relaxing in the middle of your second semester. Neither of these situations seems to be the case for me. I'm not flying out to Cancun to get drunk and catch the sun's rays and I'm definitely not relaxing. Sure, It is awesome to be off from school and have three days off from work but I feel like I have been nonstop going at it. Well Friday was our last day's of class and I only had one final so that was fine but then it was a rush from then on. After class I decide to get a quick thirty minute workout going on so I wont be mad at myself. After I'm done wiping the sweat off my forehead I realize I need to get a move on it and go to work since I only had fifteen minutes till I needed to clock in. So I get to MaMa Jean's and work there till close. I like my job so that's fine but some people decided to not come in and leave us hanging so we don't get out till late. Well then I double check the schedule to see if my schedule stayed the same and I can go ahead and get on my way to Waynesville. I couldn't believe it. They changed my schedule for Saturday 11- close. So I go home and just relax. I already have my stuff packed so I don't have to worry about that. Then I work for eight hours and I'm off again. Since I've been home I don't think I've sat down for more then a half an hour besides when I sleep. I love being busy but it kind of stinks because I had a lot I needed to do that I haven't. Now I'm going back to Springfield tomorrow with my mom and I think I'm going to just stay there since I have work Wednesday. I just feel like I've been so busy and I never get a chance to slow it down. Man, I can't wait till summer.

My Mom

So I know pretty much every one think's they have the best mom. Sorry to say but no. It's not only me being biassed because once people meet my mom they instantly agree and tell me they're jealous. She's the type of person who just makes you smile when you talk to her. She taught elementary schoolers from kindergarten through third grade for thirty years. When she goes to Wal Mart or a local sports games, she'll get hugs from students she had twenty years ago to first graders she had just a year ago. That should be an indication of what kind of person she is. She is honestly the nicest, most loyal, and funniest person I have ever met in my entire life. It's no surprise to hear she's my bestfriend. I would seriously back out of so many plans with friends just to watch a movie I've seen a million times just to hang out with my mom. She is so random and I love it. My dad is such a lucky man. She has such a patience, if you can't tell with working with that age of kids for so long. She also is very optimistic with the things she chooses to do. She never complains. She just make's jokes to turn situations around. I hope one day I can be the mom she was because I honestly don't think anyone could be a better person. She is not physical at all. I never got a spanking from her growing up. That just wasn't in her nature. She found it more productive to just sit us down and explain to us why whatever we did was wrong. I think her approach was a lot more meaningful then my dad's swift kick in the butt method. She did way too much for us kids growing up. I don't know how she did it. She would wake up at five in the morning and make us breakfast, take us to school, go to school, teach and do career ladder for about eight hours, go home, get dinner started, make sure we had a ride to soccer practice, do the laundry, do the dishes, and still had time for us. She is seriously a wonder woman in my eyes. I was way too blessed.

Sicky :(

Days like today remind me how much I hate being sick. I'm so lucky that i rarely get sick. When I was younger I pretty much stayed sick. I mean I had bacterial spinal menigitus at just a couple weeks old. I'm kind of surprised I'm still alive but I'm sure that didn't do too much good for my immune system. Well, back to the point. Yesterday I woke up and my eyes were swollen shut. I couldn't even think because my head was just pounding as if someone was taking a hammer to my head. Not to memtion, it was like a waterfall coming out of my nose which is a little disturbing to think about. Basically, I felt horrible. Oh, it gets even better. I work up late and had to hurry to class. I managed to get through my classes even though I couldn't sit in any of my classes without leaving in the middle of the class to go to the bathroom and blow my nose. It was horribly annoying. The same thing kept running through my mind all day. What am I going to do about work? There's no way I can get through the day but I close and I think it's so direspectful to the other closers to just call in and make them take care of everything. That's not fair and I don't like it when other people do it to me. So I drag my butt to work and it just stinks because I'm a cashier. It would be different if I stocked shelves but no I'm over the counter touching people's food and talking to them. I promise I got the comment "You should try going to a health food store" about 20 times and not once was it funny. It got old about the first time I heard it. I already felt horrible enough and I sure didn't need it rubbed in my face. But long story short, I went to work and stayed there miserably and closed. I got home about nine and I took a shower and straight went to bed. I didn't wake up till about noon today. Good thing I had today off. But it also stinks because it's such a nice day and I can't even enjoy it. Oh, well, things have got to get better I would hope.

Setting Out of Significant Event

If I were going to pick a setting that attaches to my significant event I just wrote about It would take me to about four days later after the event. It was August 21, 2004. It was a beautiful day outside, about 80 degrees. The birds were chirping and the wind was barely boring. It was the perfect day outside for a wedding. This event was actually the complete oposite of a wedding. I went to my boyfriend's funeral. When you looked around all you could see was red eyes of distraught people running around frantically or hugging eachother. It was like looking at clumps of black through my teary eyes. My eyes were pretty swollen by then. The funeral was basically a blur but from what I remember there was about fifty people there I would say. There were all different tones of voices and cries during the service. The seats were wooden with maroon velvit covering them. There was a huge painting done of Wes. I can even remember the songs that were played. The first song was "The Dance" by Tim McGraw. The second song was "Hurt" by Christina Angulera. Last but not least, "Amazing Grace" was played. I remember looking up about that time and seeing Wes' mom dart outside of the funeral home. I didn't blame her because I was about to do the exact same thing. When we got out of the service I then just sat on the green grass with a couple other girls around. Some younger cousin was walking around different cliques I guess you could say with tissues that were well needed. There was so many red faces with red eyes, nose, and cheeks. It seemed as if alll the cliques were all coming together in this time of adversity. It was nice to see because a lot of friends that were angry before had now bandaged up their bond.

Significant Change Freewrite

It was on August 17, 2004 that my life changed forever. I honestly grew so much after that day. I wouldn't necessarily say it was for the better or worse but I changed. You are probably wondering what event happened on that day. It was not only the first day of my junior year in high school but also the day my first love left me for good. I'm not talking left me as in broke up with me over something stupid but as in he was shot and killed. It's one of those things that happened out of no where. Our relationship was doing amazing and to have it just end before I even could process it killed something inside of me. I had no idea where to go from there. Of course at first I was a complete mess and didn't know any other way to look at it besides feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for yourself gets old pretty quickly. I decided I was tired of not eating or sleeping and just crying wasn't going to cut it any longer. I then decided to take a new approach and be appreciative and strong. I looked at it as I was blessed for even meeting someone that changed my life so much in the first place. He made me the happiest I ever was for that past year and nothing can change that. I became stronger and more independent. I didn't rely on other people to make me happy. Happiness is up to you. But it wasn't all good obviously that came from that experience. I couldn't trust anything. I did think all things could somehow backfire on me. The experience did hold me back I guess you could say. I did cry because I did lose my boyfriend. But that boy showed me love and there was the chance of finding it again someday. I now am more mature then the girl that fell in love with the boy. I also learned you need to cherish your moments with special people because you never know how long they will be around. Appreciate everything.

It Hit Me

Today I woke up in a crabby mood. I was in this mood because I hate going to work on Sunday's. It's not that I don't like work because I love my job. The reason I hate going is because I get left by myself on the register for seven straight hours. In my opinion, it's not fair that I never get a break and everyone else can do whatever just because I'm the new girl. I'm not even that new. I have been there since the middle of July. But anyway, the point is that I shouldn't be stuck with that job. I look around and I see Will, this guy I work with on the computer creeping on facebook and I see the other girl just sitting around laughing. Looking around and seeing that the other employees aren't doing anything doesn't help my situation at all. I get even more pissy. So as I'm standing there ringing up customers at work, I hear a familiar voice and look up to see who it was. It was my dad! I was shocked to say the least. I haven't talked to him in a couple weeks I'd say. He was in town because he coaches an indoor soccer league. But it hit me all at once. I just started tearing up. I am an emotional person I have to admit but I'm never the one to just start crying. It surprised me probably as much as it surprised the other customers I was ringing up. It's just crazy how something that happens so fast can change your mood for the whole day and turn you into a emotional roller coaster. I was no longer mad but in an excited, shocked, crying, but happy mood. After he got there he told me to go straight home after work and we would get a bite to eat. I was pretty excited when he took me to my favorite restaurant, Olive Garden. We just shared and appetizer and caught up with each other's life. It was nice.

What's in the Way?

What's in the way? So many things are popping up in my mind. First off I would say that my choices are holding my back from success. I don't mean I'm failing but I could do better. I hurt myself when I can't say no. For example, I tell myself that when I get off work I'm just going to go home, take a shower, and do my homework but then when my friends ask me to go the club, I go along with them. That was a bad choice. I had a sociology test first thing in the morning I could barely function for. My eyes wouldn't stay open and my head was pounding. Then it gets better. I totally forgot I had a speech due the next hour. I did okay but I had no energy. The only comment I got was that I was monotone. What a surprise? The worst part is that this is almost an everyday thing. I did good for two weeks about saying "no." It's a totally different life when you get sleep. It's nice waking up in the morning and not feeling like someone is pounding a hammer on your head. It's nice feeling like you are going to be productive for the day. I'm busy enough so I don't know why I make these dumb desicions. Another example: I go to school from 10 to 2 then I go straight to work till closing time at work (8 P.M.) I get stressed because I'm always on the go. There's no reason for me to make life more tough. When I do usually get a break I try to work out. That's stressful also. I feel fat all the time and I have to stress when finding time to fit in my workout schedule. I wish I had one day completely off from school and work. I would just get a good night's sleep and then sleep in. I would work out first thing in the morning then go run errands such as laundry. Then I could pay my rent and clean my room. I could even catch up with old friends I havn't had time for. There are so many possibilities of things I could get done if I just wouldn't go out.

Home At Last

After waiting and waiting, I finally got to go see family in Waynesville today. I havn't seen my family since Christmas and it was starting to take it's toll on me. I missed them so much so I decided to randomly drive home after I closed at work last night. I got home around midnight and only got to stay till about 7p.m. but it was well worth it. My parents were so excited. My mom woke me up around 10 a.m. and I got ready and we took a walk around my home with the pets. It was nice catching up. Then we decided we wanted to take a walk down to the park so we walked by the river there. We then went to the library and got on the computer and booked a vacation after my spring classes ended and before summer classes started. We are going to Clearwater, Florida. I can't wait for that. Then we ran by my grandparents house for about an hour. They were so excited to see me. My dad called soon after that and we met him at Cracker Barrel and got some lunch. It was delcious and it was nice to talk to him also. Then we went home and I finally took a shower and just layed around. It was the most relaxing day I have had in a while. After I wasted time at the house I realized I would need to head back to Springfield but I still had wanted to work out a little. My mom agreed and we were off two the fitness center. We did the aerobics class. So much for my shower, right. After that we ran by Wal Mart to get the necessaries before I left. All I got was a strawberry banana Naked smoothie and I was on my way. Today was awesome! :)

Free writing in class

I am good at quite a few things, it’s just hard plucking them off the top of my head. I am definatly good at eating for sure. I could eat consecutively for hours. I am good at making people laugh if I do say so myself. I feel that since I’m weird and different people enjoy that about me. I’m good at NOT procrastinating aka good at getting things done on time. I am never late for anything. I am good at thinking about others feelings. I am good about calling my mom every day. I’m good at saving money. I’m the biggest tightwad you will ever meet. I’m good at being lazy. I can let dishes pile up for days without touching them until I smell rotten milk. I’m good at realizing what’s important to me and putting priorities first. I’m good at shooting the basketball just not running. I think I’m pretty good at soccer, just a little slow but in soccer if you know the game you don’t necessarily need the speed. I’m good at shoot I’m running out of things to say. If it was finding things I’m bad at I could go on and on. But I guess I could say I am good at reading. I’m decent at writing. I WISH I was good at keeping in touch but honestly I’m not the best. I’m starting to be good at standing up for myself which used to be very no scratch that extremely hard for me. I’m good with computers. I can usually figure out what is wrong with my computer any time it decides to go nuts. I’m good at helping my grandma out by doing things with her and helping her get aound. I’m good at making myself work out. This is a recent skill for me also because I could never get my self to actually get up and run a mile. I’m good about managing my time. I can always find a way to go to work and school. Good listener.

Free writing in class

I am good at quite a few things, it’s just hard plucking them off the top of my head. I am definatly good at eating for sure. I could eat consecutively for hours. I am good at making people laugh if I do say so myself. I feel that since I’m weird and different people enjoy that about me. I’m good at NOT procrastinating aka good at getting things done on time. I am never late for anything. I am good at thinking about others feelings. I am good about calling my mom every day. I’m good at saving money. I’m the biggest tightwad you will ever meet. I’m good at being lazy. I can let dishes pile up for days without touching them until I smell rotten milk. I’m good at realizing what’s important to me and putting priorities first. I’m good at shooting the basketball just not running. I think I’m pretty good at soccer, just a little slow but in soccer if you know the game you don’t necessarily need the speed. I’m good at shoot I’m running out of things to say. If it was finding things I’m bad at I could go on and on. But I guess I could say I am good at reading. I’m decent at writing. I WISH I was good at keeping in touch but honestly I’m not the best. I’m starting to be good at standing up for myself which used to be very no scratch that extremely hard for me. I’m good with computers. I can usually figure out what is wrong with my computer any time it decides to go nuts. I’m good at helping my grandma out by doing things with her and helping her get aound. I’m good at making myself work out. This is a recent skill for me also because I could never get my self to actually get up and run a mile. I’m good about managing my time. I can always find a way to go to work and school. Good listener.

My Job

I spend most of my precious time at my job. I work at Mama Jean’s Natural Market ,which I’m sure most of you have never heard of. It’s a health food store my Aunt owns. I’m a cashier there where I work about 30 hours a week. When I first started working there I was so CONFUSED. I had never heard of half the things they sold. What are ear candles I asked myself as they showed me around. The people that work there I loved from the getgo. The employees there are very..different. They are also the nicest people I have ever met. They are so open and intouch with there selves. They are so funny too. I have now been working at MaMa Jean’s since July and it’s by far my favorite job. It has taught me so much about my body. I have became a much more healthier and self concious eater. I now try foods I would have never tried. It’s just a really interesting store with very interesting people that come in there to shop and that work there. The customers there are probably the nicest people I have met in springfield, also some of the oddest. Even though Their food is a little over priced in my eyes, it’s good stuff. I don’t know enough about organic food to preech about it, but I do believe organic is the way to go. I’m actually going into work right when I get out of school. I normally get two days off a week. I also normally close, working shifts 3 pm to 8pm. I don’t even mind going to work though since I always learn something new and have fun. I spend a lot of money there, but It’s supporting the business that pays me so why not? Most people who go in there for the first time immidiatly have a love or hate for it. But it seems to the people that come in there continue to come.

Mexico

If I could be somewhere other then this classroom, my top pick would be Cancun, Mexico. I don’t even care if there are wars going on there or all that other drama. I have wanted to go there for about three years straight. I want to get the all inclusive package where they pay for your hotel, flight, food, and rides to and from places. It’s a little expensive but you can find really good deals if you search early. Me and my mom found a flight for only 1500 for two people and four days and four nights. That’s a pretty good deal, considering the place we would be staying at. I want to tan my body and work out while I’m there. It might either make me be really inspired to work out and be healthy or the complete opposite with the free, good food. I also want to use my spanish skills I have learned over the past three years and communicate with the people there. I hate not knowing what people are saying to me or what’s going on. I also wouldn’t mind drinking with my mom. It would be fun. I definitely don’t want to get completely wasted with her and run through the beach naked with her but you know have a nice glass of wine to give the vacation feel. Actually, now that I think about it, going vacation anywhere with a beach would nice. I love to travel but I have never been outside the United States so that would be a nice change to broaden my horizon. I want to hear good music, smell good food, get splashed by ocean waves, and soak in the sun. I
can see all shapes, sizes, and colors of people running and laughing on the sandy beach side. I see people riding the waves and making sand castles. I see the older drunks laughing behind their tall glass of Carona’s. I see not a cloud in the sky during the day, just bright blue. The water is a crystal blue color. I see so many colorful sea shells that I can’t even count. At night I see the pink and orange mixture in the sky. It is just beautiful. I see my mom smile at me as she is so happy we could finally go. I see good food lined up on the buffet. That may not be a good thing. I also see sweat dripping off people’s hot bodies. I see colorful hats.
I hear laughter and screams of happiness. I hear all langauges speaking. I hear the sounds of Mexican singers and instrument players. I hear the waves crashing. I hear the air conditioner in our nice hotel. I hear my mom talking to my dad on the phone. I hear the sound of my ipod as I jog down the beach. I hear the sound of sea gulls.
I can taste the saltiness of the tortilla chips. I can taste the fresh pineapple in the morning. I can taste the salt from the ocean. I can taste the tamales, enchiladas, and quesadillas we got. I can taste the fresh salad me and my mom made up.
I can smell the fresh mexican food cooking up. I can smell the perfumes of people in the restaraunt. I can smell the scent of sunscreen and tanning oild as I am walking along the beach. I can smell sweet desserts cooking as I walk down the street.
I can feel the sand in between my toes. I can feel the sweat dripping down my body. I can feel the smooth wind blow past me. I feel the waves flow to and from me. I feel the massuse massage my body. I can feel the water as I shower and risne my body. I can feel the soothe chapstick I put on to save my lips.

Annoyances

Tonight is one of those nights where every little thing annoys me. Why is everything due tomorrow? Is that woodpecker outside ever going to stop banging it's head. It must have a massive head ache. Is she really just going to leave here stuff laying here. Where is my money going? When am I going to get my clothes ready to bring home. What am I going to do if I can't find my flashdrive? Why don't I ever have time to sleep? I just feel so annoyed and stressed out tonight. I just need a day off from school and work to just lay around, catch up on sleep, clean my room, study for classes, and just relax. Right now I just have so much built up inside and I can't seem to calm it. I don't mean to get annoyed so easily is because I just get so irritated when I'm stressed. I can't think straight because I just have people talking in my ear. The biggest annoyance to me is my weight. First semester I drank my life away basically. I stayed up all night then I would just take power naps to get me by. I went to cheddars about four days out of the week. We ate out about every day atleast one meal. This semester I have stopped drinking. I don't go out to eat. I don't eat anything made with white flour and I don't drink soda's. When go to the grocery store I get fiber cereal, i get apples, oranges, bananas, lettuce, lean cuisine, oatmeal, and grilled chicken breasts. I now work out 5 times a week and sleep regularily. I have not lost weight. I'm also not able to see any changes. That is definately my biggest annoyance of the past months. Another annoyance is that I never get to see my family. Hopefully, with this nice weather my mood will become nicer. I can always hope for this annoying storm to pass.

Missing Home

Day’s like today are what makes me miss home. The temperature is about 75 degrees and the wind is there but calm. I woke up to the bright lighting and birds chirping. I instantly knew today was going to be a good day. Warm weather honestly changes my mood. The only downfall is that it makes me miss home terribly. It reminds me of just last year when I was able to sit outside with my retired parents before I went to school and they drank there coffee on the porch. We would watch our dog run into the house while trying to catch squirells. We would watch our cats roll around in the grass. We had quite a bit to look at considering we have 88 acres of land. I loved it. I loved that we seemed extinct to the other world. My parents would drink there coffee and read the newspaper. We wouldn't even have to talk but I could just feel the warmth. This weather also reminds me of my days playing soccer. I miss soccer more then anything from growing up and high school. I had the best memories from soccer. I always smile when i look back on the past. I miss my dad being my soccer coach until I graduated. I even miss the feeling as if we were going to die after running our three miles on the track. I never thought I would ever miss that. So many memories are flown at me on days like this. It makes me appreciate all my friends but also miss them at the same time. I feel like I can finally relax and think. It's crazy how stressed and emotionless I felt on these cold, winter days. I honestly just felt like I was constantly busy when really it was just a mind set because I am just as busy today but have a different out look. For example, today I am going to class from 10 till 2, then I am going to work out, then I am going straight from OTC to my job at Mama Jeans until we close. Sure, I will be busy but I'm being obtimistic about it. I love this warm weather. It's crazy how something so bland as the temperature can affect your whole outlook on life and give you a blast from the past

The Future?

Thinking about the future is probably the biggest stressor in my life. Not only does it scare me but it irritates me. I know it's a little early to be worrying about what job I want when I graduate, where I'm going to live, who I'm going to marry and things like that but I can't help it. I stress all the time. I stress less now then I did growing up but it's still a little much. The biggest stresser in my life right now is definitely what I'm going to major in. When I was little that question was simple. I always told everyone I wanted to be a cat. Now that reality kicks in I realise being a cat wont quite cut it. I have switched so many times in just my first semester. I understand most people switch atleast one time through out college but I just don't want to waste my time and money on classes that wont go towards acheiving my major. I went from a reading specialist to a high school language teacher to a special education teacher to an engineer to a secretary and now to an elementary school teacher. I'm so confused because I have always changed my mind. I want to be a teacher because I like kids and grading. I also think a secretary job would be perfect because I love doing busy work such as taking notes. All I really know is I want to major in something where I am able to find a job in Waynesville because I think it was the perfect area to raise a family. I know most probably think that is a dumb decision to base my education off of but it's a major part in my life. My dad is the president of the school board in Waynesville and my mom spent her 30 years of teaching there so I think that will help me out a little. I'm very lucky for that. I'm sure I will probably change my mind again but I'm hoping whatever I decide, I am 100% confident in my choice.
The other big stresser of my future is "Who will I marry?" "When will I find him?" "What will he be like?" I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm a huge romantic. I'm into the head over heels falling in love kind of thing. I don't care as much about like a big wedding. But I just want to be happy and in love. I worry they won't agree with a lot of my decisions. I worry they wont want children. There's so many things to worry about even though worrying does nothing to help you. I need to take a deep breath and let God lead me on my path. I trust everything will fall into place but it's tough for me not to worry. I should'nt even be thinking about these things for another couple years but It's me so I have to stress. I wouldn't be surprised if all my hair falls out by next year. Well, atleast then I'm sure if I find someone they aren't dating me for my good looks and great hair.
Anyways, I hope everything works out and I get the future I've always dreamed of. :)

Money Smarts

I am blessed to have the family I am. They are conservative yet fun. They are wealthy but only because of what they have done, not from their past. My mom was extremely poor as a girl growing up. She was the only one to go to college in her family. College repayed her and my dad for going. They are very smart with their money and are now retired getting payed just as much as they did before. My dad is a retired engineer while my mom is a retired elementary teacher. My dad has also done well on stocks. The thing that saved them was how smart they were with there money. They didn't get married right away like most. They waited until they were settled and about 30 years old. The built there own house which they still live in. They bought a lot of land when it was cheaper so now when they sell it they make good profit. They have nice cars but they keep them for years before they trade. They don't try to show off like a lot of people by showing off their things. They buy there clothes from Wal Mart because they don't care about brand names. They might get a few things that are higher priced brands but that is only because they like the product. I think they're the reason I'm such a tightwad. I saw how there life ended up and I'm working like that. If I don't need new clothes then why buy it? What is so much better about those Abercrombie jeans and Ed Hardy shirts then those at Target. If you are not a germaphobe a good place to get good brands would be Plato's Closet but I understand some people can't do that because they feel nasty. I also buy my own groceries instead of going out. That was a big money saver. Also when I buy groceries, I look for the deals and buy the off brand. My parents never really got the off brand food but I think that's because quality of food is important but I'm not that picky. I do although only get organic fruits because those at Wal Mart go through a radiation process so I hear and they just taste better. Luckily, I have a discount at MaMa Jeans so I am able to get those fruits and get good healthy meals that will fill me up. The trick about health food is that it is pricey, no doubt about it, but the quality is better and keeps you full for longer. But if you look at my comforter, bookbag, hair products, desk-all Wal Mart. I don't buy anything really unless it's on sale because almost always it will go on sale and I'll be dissapointed with my self. I know I shouldn't stress about money since I have been such a good saver but what if the econmy falls? I want to have money to keep me on my feet. I can thank my parents for teaching me this lesson without them even knowing. They never taught me about money or told me how to spend my money. Money wasn't an issue to them, or so they showed. But through example they have taught me a very valuable lesson I hope to teach my kids when I have them. I won't pressure them but just hope they catch on.

Growing up

Growing up I was always dependent on my parents. Not going to lie, I was spoiled. I never worked for anything. Finally, senior year I got a job at the Waynesville Cinema 8 and I thought I was a big shot. Now that I work 30 hours a week at Mama Jeans, I now realize 8 hours wasn't much to proud of.
Since, I've moved to Springfield this summer I have learned so much about myself. I've never even stayed two nights away from my parents so you can imagine how different it was to me to live in a totally different city then my parents. I love it but at the same time I miss how easy life was. I had it made. I now do my own laundry, cook my own food, wash my own dishes, make my own money, spend it on things I need, rather then get random things I just wanted from my mom, and even pay my own rent. It was awesome the first week. New place and new adventures, I loved it. But then the next couple of weeks rolled around and reality hit.
I struggled working because I wasn't used to having a job.
The money was the biggest change from High School where I had it made.
I can remember one instance where all the girls wanted to go to Panera Bread and I looked and was being really responsible (so I thought) and got the cheapest deal. The only problem was that I didn't balance my check book every time I used my debit and i over draw. My $7 meal ended up costing me $37 because i overdrew my account. That occasion made me even more broke then i was before I went out to eat. After that situation, I realised I needed to take the 20 seconds out of my day to write in my checkbook when i made a transaction. It's a simple task that is worth thirty dollars. I made the best of that situation though. I grew from it and now make responsible choices and I feel good about it.
Now I love my job and love being independent. I would feel bad living any other way. I don't like being spoiled. I'm honestly the biggest tightwad ever but that's what I need to do as a college student. I think everyone needs to spread there wings and broaden their horizon sometime and I'm thankful I did.

Oh, How I Wish it were Summer

As I lay shivering on my bed, I realise how much I miss summer. A season of two months changes me almost every year. In those two months I'm able to relax, push my self, and find my self. Warm weather changes my mood. It makes me become optimistic and want to strive to do better.
The main thing i would like to improve on this summer is to approve my health. Of course, I mainly would like to lose about ten pounds so I don't look like a piece of cottage cheese laying out by the pool. I want to feel good about my self and want to be happy going to the pool in a bathing suit. But it's not just about the weight i want to improve on. I want to quit snacking past eight when i get off work. I want to be able to just have a glass of water and go to bed. I want to work out especially. I want to make myself do the 30 minutes of aerobic exercise every day. I'm planning on joining the YMCA to work out because it's cheap and I'm able to go after work. I'm waiting till the summer to join because right now I am way too busy and don't have time in my busy scedule to go. The membership would be a waste of money. I can't wait to be able to go any time of the day. I'm excited to work hard at this.
I'm also excited about summer because I will be able to go home to Waynesville and spend time with family. Working 30+ hours and full time student doesn't give me much of a chance to see my family and close friends who still live there. I hate it but it's reality and I had to deal. I won't be able to see them all the time because I will still be working and taking classes but I will have more of a chance.
The thing I'm most excited about is my vacation I am taking with my mom. We are traveling to Cancun, which we have been planning for years. We are going to fly out of Springfield at the end of May and staying for one week. It will be a great learning experience and time for relaxation. I'm so ready. :)